My brain is mush right now with work deadlines and relationship issues. If someone could help me articulate what is in my head right now I'd be very grateful!
Background is me and DP have been together for 16 years. DC.
Five years ago I developed an autoimmune skin condition which causes me to look 'different'. The patches on my skin cannot be covered up well and people do stare. I've run the gamut of emotions about this, swinging from acceptance to sorrow and pain to jealousy of 'normal' people to being happy in my own skin and back again.
My DP has never said anything of any substance of how he feels about the change in my appearance. He has said "I wouldn't leave you for it" and if pushed "It doesn't bother me" , but he just won't communicate more. He's never been one for communicating at all, it's like he is scared of communication.
We keep arguing about it, when someone stares at me - to me the look on his face is shame, ashamed of me, and this hurts. I say that. He denies it and says he didn't look ashamed, it's in my head, I am attacking him with my issues, and gets angry.
Tbh I think the truth is somewhere in the middle.
We are trying to hash things out and I want to explain that I don't feel comfortable with him because I know he is conflict avoidant and wouldn't give me the truth or be open, to try avoid conflict. That this approach just makes me shut off completely, because I know I won't get any answers as to how he really feels.
The way I worded that sounds like an attack on him, as he puts it - how can I word it to get through to him what I mean but without sounding blame-y and like I am calling him a liar??