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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

He wants nothing to do with me..how do I get over him?

36 replies

redyellowbre · 24/05/2022 10:20

We were seeing each other for around 7 months.
It was fun and we really were getting closer.
Only issue was his best friend and mine used to date..safe to say his friend didn't like me for that reason alone.
They were thick as thieves and he started telling me his friend was putting doubts in his head.
I wasn't invited where his friend and new gf were (because of who I was ) which made socialising with his friends impossible.
After 7 months he just backed off from me and said he didn't want "serious"
Anyway we continued to talk each day for a year and i basically put my life on hold.
There were time when he would ring me and I thought he was wanting to start things up again but then nothing happened.
There were days we would text all day long (weekends)
He loved making me jealous tho and he would get jealous if he knew I was going out.
Anyway 3 months ago he started ignoring my texts,then if I asked was he okay he would cause a argument.
He said "I'm starting to sort of see someone so I don't want to speak with you again,see you"
Then he blocked me.

I'm absolutely gutted I can't lie
This is after 19 months talking daily ,phone calls and seeing each other.
I feel so so used.

OP posts:

Antarcticant · 24/05/2022 10:24

He's been messing with your head for months. It's not surprising you feel bad but you are 100% better off without this man.

How do you get over him? It will take time but whenever you start thinking about him, think of something else. Again and again. Eventually it will be natural not to think of him and at some point in the future, I absolutely guarantee you will wonder what the heck you ever saw in him.

Original poster

redyellowbre · 24/05/2022 10:40

It's strange because he blocked me on WhatsApp but hasn't blocked me on social media.
I'm trying hard not to think about him but massively struggling

OP posts:

wanderingscot · 24/05/2022 10:42

Find someone else. It will help you forget about him. Sounds like a bit of a toxic situation and you are much better off out of it. Remove him from your social media

Antarcticant · 24/05/2022 10:45

It's strange because he blocked me on WhatsApp but hasn't blocked me on social media.

This sort of ruminating is exactly what you should not be doing.

Block him on all your social media, and your phone.

Rainbowqueeen · 24/05/2022 10:49

Block him on everything. There is research to say that going NC helps.

Make a list of fun things you like to do and would like to do. Then try them. Keep busy.

Practice some form of self care at least once a day. It will get easier.

Aprilx · 24/05/2022 10:57

It doesn’t feel like it now, but it is good that finally one of you (him) has come to their senses. This talking every day was not doing either of you any good and he has done both of you a favour.

Most of us have been left feeling as you currently do at some time. It will pass, it just takes time. In the meantime, keep yourself as busy as you can, surround yourself with family and friends and people that make you happy. Try new things, be kind to yourself.

KingofLoss · 24/05/2022 11:12

After seven months he backed off and told you he didn't want anything serious. So from that point he was clear that you weren't in a relationship, is that right?

Choosing to continue texting and meeting up after that was fine as you were doing it with the understanding that it wasn't a relationship, and if it worked for you to have something casual with him rather than stop contact altogether that was your choice to make.

Separate to this guy, I'd really encourage to examine why you were willing to put your life on hold for a casual, non-relationship with someone who clearly communicated that they didn't want anything serious with you. It sounds like it worked for you at the time but maybe you were lying to yourself believing that it would turn into more and he'd suddenly want to be with you again. It comes across like you might have low self-esteem to have accepted scraps rather than understand that you were worth more than whatever it is you had with this guy.

I don't see where he messed with your head, he told you at 7m he didn't want anything serious and backed off, it's not like he led you on or lied to you to get sex or anything. You have to own your own decisions here and figure out why you behaved in such a way that was ultimately self-sabotaging, considering you could have been single and free to meet someone who was into you instead of chasing after a guy who said he didn't want to be with you.

Original poster

redyellowbre · 24/05/2022 11:17

It was confusing for me because of the reason he backed off.
It wasn't because we weren't getting on,it was because his friend was putting all sorts in his head.
It felt like he didn't want me out of his life so I held on to hope that he would realise listening to his friend was ridiculous.

OP posts:

carolpatty · 24/05/2022 11:29

This reply has been deleted

Antarcticant · 24/05/2022 11:32

It wasn't because we weren't getting on,it was because his friend was putting all sorts in his head.

Again, you need to stop this unhealthy way of thinking.

If someone genuinely wants to be with you they will not be deterred by outside factors. If someone does not want to be with you there is no point at all going through all the whys and wherefores of it - you have to accept it, hard though it might be, and move on from it as soon as possible.

Thesefeetaremadeforwalking · 24/05/2022 11:34

This may help;

natashaadamo.com/win-your-breakup/

Watchkeys · 24/05/2022 11:35

You need to take responsibility for your feelings, and recognise that if someone's actions make you feel bad, you need to pull back from them.

It doesn't matter that he's the one who pulled away from you; it's your responsibility to make sure you're away from him. Make it your decision to accept the distance between the two of you, as a healthy step for yourself. Being rejected by him isn't a statement on your worthiness, it's a statement on his ability to be there and provide what you need. He can't do it, so let him go.

CorneliaStreet42 · 24/05/2022 11:38

redyellowbre · 24/05/2022 11:17

Another point of view. He didn't want the aggro from his mates, but wanted to keep you around for when he wanted a shag/bit of company/someone to flatter his ego. I'm not surprised you feel used.

Take back control. You block him on everything. That way he can't weasel his way back in when he wants a shag/ego boost again.

Original poster

redyellowbre · 24/05/2022 11:39

I keep telling myself he wasn't a price charming.
He has a long history of using women and treating them like crap..I stupidly thought I was different.
They meant nothing but I meant something
So unhealthy I know.
That's why I feel so crap I think.
I think I'm grieving over a person who didn't even exist

OP posts:

FlowerArranger · 24/05/2022 11:40

You put your life on hold for over a year....... for someone who had clearly told you it was over? His friend 'putting things in his head' most likely was all in YOUR head!

You seem to have poor self esteem, which is something you need to address. Otherwise this kind of thing will keep happening to you.

over50andfab · 24/05/2022 11:48

It’s difficult to see when you’re the one living it. He’s basically been keeping you dangling all these months hence the jealousy thing and letting the line out then reeling you back in. This is him, not the effect of his friend. Although he might have blocked you on WhatsApp he’s still hoping to make you jealous by not blocking you on all social media. It really is all about taking back control of your feelings rather than allowing him to have a say in them.

Perhaps try to busy yourself with other things, seeing friends etc so you’re not thinking of him so much. It’ll get easier and clearer with time

lovingtheheat · 24/05/2022 11:48

Take the friend out of the equation. The friend is a red herring. If he really liked you he wouldn't have behaved like this. He has kept you around whilst convenient to stroke his ego. He doesn't need you now so has blocked you on WhatsApp, but not social media so you can still see him which he knows will play with your head. He isn't a nice guy. Be grateful you dodged a bullet.

ElenaSt · 24/05/2022 11:49

He's an immature little prat along with his chum and I'm surprised that the pair of them have actually managed to find women willing to put up with their petty and jealous behaviour and silly little games.

Yes you've wasted time being strung along but you've learned a valuable lesson in that you now know that you can set standards and not put up with idiots like him who are disrespectful and childish.

You deserve better and you will meet someone far nicer.

Aghh · 24/05/2022 11:53

Nice men don’t behave like this.

You can do so much better than this.
Having no one is better than this.

The question here is why you thought this was good enough behaviour for you, and why you thought nothing of putting your own life on hold for a year ?

Plzhelpifyoucan · 24/05/2022 11:53

It isn’t the friends fault, if he wanted you he would be with you. Block him on everything and pretend he’s died. Grieve and move on.

layladomino · 24/05/2022 12:00

You've hit the nail on the head. You were waiting for someone who didn't exist. You're now grieving for someone who never existed.

He sounds really immature. Who, over the age of about 16, lets their friends dictate who they date? You know he treated previous gf badly. That is who he is. It isn't a case of 'when he's found the right one he'll treat her well, it could be me'... he is someone who treats women badly. Add to that he put his friend's (stupid) opinion first, that means he's either really easily led by his friend, or he used that as an excuse.

As a PP said, if someone wants to be with you, they will be with you. Any excuses they use are just that - excuses.

You are 1000 times better off without him. Please block him. Get him out of your head and move on. It's possible he'll come running back at some point (not for any good reason, but when he wants his ego stroked / to see if he still has power over you / to fill a week end) - be ready to stand form and ignore him. You know who he is now and you should stay well clear for good.

You deserve so much better.

carolpatty · 24/05/2022 12:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

catandcoffee · 24/05/2022 13:33

redyellowbre · 24/05/2022 11:39

WHY do women do this all the time.. he'll be different with me. I see it all the time and they never are different.

Can any women actually answer this question... why will he be different with you ?

Original poster

redyellowbre · 24/05/2022 15:34

I thought he must not of cared about the others but it felt like we had something special at first.
The way he spoke about these other girls made them sound like they were crazy /obsessive.
Stupidly I thought it was the girls fault ...

OP posts:

Watchkeys · 24/05/2022 16:41

redyellowbre · 24/05/2022 15:34

Think carefully about this. Does a healthy minded person have relationships with crazy people? At the very least, his picker is squiffy, which indicates squiffy self confidence and therefore squiffy relationship abilities.

If a healthy person has a relationship with someone who actually is crazy, they don't look back and tell their new partner in those terms. They say things like 'Our views were different' or 'I couldn't understand her'. they don't just issue blame due to fault.

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