Husband's financial control - how to cope?

[bluetail14]

Hi,
My husband and I have never had a joint account, and over the last three years years our relationship has really gone downhill. We have a daughter who is now 7. I sat at home with her until the age of 4, then started part-time jobs here and there, as soon as I was able to put her in school for more than 3 hours a day.
Before school, I did mystery shopping now and then just to get some cash.
He always controlled the money telling me that we spend too much even though he is on good wage working in IT and has more than £10k in savings. He did not give enough money for food shopping like £20 at a time, and questioned what I bought.

Anyway, he does not want to look after our daughter like taking her to/picking her up from school and spending time with her after school because he works a full time job to 'support us all' (when I had a full time job and a fixed term contract two years ago, I had to find and pay for
a childminder myself as it was 'my responsibility').
Right now I have a part-time job for 16 hours a week from home. We moved into a new house 4 years ago which he bought with a morgage and he pays all the bills except for the internet, whilst my money go towards buying our daughter clothes, shoes and most of food for the family, so I have zero savings.

In February this year, he cut off his bank card from all online groceries accounts, and as our relationship deteriorated, we are now on separate budgets even that we live in the same house.
I want him to contribute a set amount to our child's upkeep by DD which he has always refused to do.
I have tried to apply for an NHS low income scheme back in March to buy glasses but they declined my application following an assessnent of 'total household income'. I'm short sighted with -6.5 and was quoted around £100 for a cheapest new pair which I could not afford. I have explained to the man on the phone about separate accounts.
Last week I went to see a family law solicitor about how to divorce where I qualified for legal aid - she told me we have 'separation under one roof'.

My question is what to do next. Shall I be trying to draw some sort of family mediation agreement with help of a solicitor with him? Or apply for a child maintenance - am not sure they'll approve it because we still live together?
I have nowhere to go at the moment, and need to look for a full time job again to afford to move out.

Didn't want to read and run op, so sorry this is happening to you.
Contact Women's Aid for advice, is there no way you can leave this awful abusive thing?

Do you claim child benefit, and is it paid into your account ?

And remember that the starting point is that you get 50%. You are likely to get more as you were a SAHM and lost out and wage and pension while he worked.
Does he have a pension ?
Have you filed for divorce yet ?

Financial abuse is domestic abuse. Consult women’s aid, it might be you can press charges. Well done for leaving the pig!

Woukd suggest you contact both Women’s Aid and the Rights of Women organisations for advice. I would also find another solicitor to work with.

No to mediation of any sort with your abusive husband, it will be a waste of time. Start divorce proceedings as soon as possible

I'm no expert but I believe you can apply for universal credit whilst still living together to top up your wages.

You can separate while still living in the same house, I believe

Tell him you are separating, apply for child maintenance (from him) and put in a UC application based on your income alone.

Also call womans aid, they will be able to give you helpful advice and support.

I applied for universal credit whilst still living in the same house as my ex husband when we agreed to separate. It wasn’t much money but it gave me some breathing space for a few months. You need to put your name down for a council house, stating that you have nowhere to live. Eventually when you divorce him you should be entitled to half of everything so can buy a house but you’ll need to rent in the meantime and council housing is much cheaper than private landlords. Also, contact Womens Aid for more advice.

OP I am so sorry about your situations. He sounds like an awful man.

Is the mortgage in both your names or only his?

In terms of your glasses, if you've got your prescription you can buy glasses online very cheaply - I've bought a few pairs online for less than £20 and they've been just as good as ones you can buy in the opticians.

You can apply for universal credit once you have separated, even if you still live under the same roof. You could also then submit an application for child maintenance. Applying for a divorce is very straightforward now as you don't need to agree
How about gathering up any info you have on his earnings and savings before you tell him? And confide in family/friends, who may be able to help you, even just with emotional support
I believe you can register an interest in the house so it can't be sold.
I wouldn't move out if you can't afford it.

This is really inaccurate
There's no chance of a council house when homeless people with children living in temporary accommodation can't get any help due to lack of housing.

Yes, I claim the child benefit.

Thanks, everyone. the morgage is in his name, however, my name is on the council tax bill. I claim the child benefit. we live in Scotland.
I'm not happy about the current solicitor ( I have phoned two of them) and had a meeting with one. I have spoken with the second one today and they sounded much more interested in me - the first one specialises more in residential property rather than in domestic abuse. I also have a paper/phone trail with Womens Aid over the last 2 years, even though they did not help me much.
I don't know if I can change a solicitor now with legal aid? they're both experienced in child hearings in case we have to go to court. Can I change a solicitor?

@weleasewoderick23 my friend was in a similar situation and has just been offered a council house within 6 weeks of applying. I’m assuming that it depends upon the area that you’re in. I didn’t get offered one but could just about afford to rent privately so did that or I could have been waiting a long time (a few years ago). It would make sense for her to put her name on the list anyway as not putting it down means there is zero chance of a council house so she might as well try.

My family law solicitor said she could only help me with legal aid on children matters (i.e. mediating on
our child's future residence).
she cant give me any financial advice and I need to find another solicitor with legal aid who can help me with that.

Does anyone know if I need to move out in order to qualify for legal aid with finances (which I cant afford at the moment anyway) ?
or because we have 'separation under one roof' and no money from
him, I could still qualify?
the only bill I pay and which he sends me the money for via standing order(SO) is for the internet. shall I be asking him to cancel that?
Thank you.