Lesbian relationship dilemma

[PennyLane32]

I have been in a long term lesbian relationship with my partner and I love her to bits. We are super compatible in a lot of ways. Have our ups and downs like every relationship but we move past things quickly and it's mostly good, however, I have got this feeling like I'm missing out on the company of other women and it keeps popping back up in my mind and struggling to shake this off. I guess I feel a bit suffocated despite my partner being nothing but absolutely lovely.

Does anyone feels like this in their relationship whether straight/gay? I feel like a terrible person and guess I need some clarity. Any comments/advice welcome.

Thank you in advance

Well why aren't you still spending time with female friends? That seems the logical conclusion.

What kind of company is it you’re looking for from other females? Just mates or something more sexual/romantic?

if the former, what’s the problem? Having a girlfriend shouldn’t stop you also having a social life. If it’s the latter then you need to work out what you want more or whether your relationship can be more flexible (with your partners consent of course).

the grass isn’t always greener, in fact it rarely is but if you’re unhappy now you need to fix it one way or the other before everything turns sour.

May I ask how old you both are?

I guess I've been burying my head in the sand. My partner definitely isn't flexible, we haven't had a discussion about that but she's sort of insinuated that in the past and it's obvious by the way she is with me.
When I say the relationship is mostly good it is, but it quite intense sometimes. I miss the freedom which makes me feel like a bad person. I don't mean friends

@LHReturns

32 and 33

And during your relationship (how long has it been?) has your life evolved or progressed more than hers? Have you changed more in ambition or in the kind of life you might want?

So she's controlling? You seem to be studiously avoiding saying something. Are you asked not to see friends? Are you unhappy?

Your update is a little unclear...

By 'not flexible' do you mean your girlfriend wants a monogamous relationship and you don't?

Right, you don't mean friends, I misunderstood your original post.
You want an open relationship and she doesn't.
I honestly don't know where you go from here.
Best to tell her now though if you both clearly want different things.

You need to communicate plainly. Both with us and it seems, with her.

Your posts are quite cryptic and thus open to interpretation. A good start, would be to say what you want in plain English.

So OP, what do you want from your relationship and partner? Be specific and try to avoid ambiguity.

OP you say she's lovely and your relationship has its ups and downs. Ok. You say you love her. Ok.

But are you happy? Do you feel that this is how you want the rest of your life to be? If so, then this is a blip you need to work through, quite possibly alone.

But if you think that this isn't how you want the rest of your life to be then you either need to talk to her or admit to yourself that you are not happy. You can then choose to discuss it with your GF - because what do you have to lose? - or decide that this relationship situation isn't for you any more.

There's an idea that once we're in a long term relationship then we kind of need to stay in it because we've invested so much time in it and the other person already. I disagree (through personal experience). I'm not saying to leave her, but I am saying that you need to centre yourself in these thoughts and what you want in life. Staying with someone because you're already with them isn't a great reason.

And yes, it's not uncommon to feel like you're missing out on other experiences when you're in a long term relationship during your 20s. Because you are. You also have a stability that people having hook ups haven't had. Neither are unusual and neither is better/worse than the other.

You can't say someone is controlling because they don't want to have an open relationship and you want to be with multiple people.
I'd break up not just because you want, and should reasonably have, all the freedom you want. But because she deserves better too. I'd be heartbroken if my partner felt like this and strung me along.

Just to add, I see now it was another poster talking about being controlling and not you, sorry

It sounds like you need some space to do your own thing a bit more, explore yourself, get out there :) try and focus on you and your hobbies for a bit and see if that helps.

What do you mean she isn't flexible? She won't let you go our with your mates? Or she won't let you go on a date?

Answers aren’t going to help unless you are clear with what the problem is.

Do you not have friends? Why? Because she doesn’t allow it?

or are you wanting to sleep with other women?

They are 2 completely different situations

Does anyone feels like this in their relationship whether straight/gay? I feel like a terrible person and guess I need some clarity. Any comments/advice welcome.

If I'm understanding your posts correctly, then it seems immaterial whether you're gay or straight. What you're saying is that you're in a long term relationship and want to sleep with other people, is that correct? In which case, as your partner is not 'flexible' i.e. okay for you to sleep with other people, then you need to end the relationship.

This is not a lesbian thing. Unless you're in an open/non-monogamous relationship, then you need to be single to sleep with people other than your partner without cheating. Sure, most people in long-term relationships probably think about doing it from time to time - there's often posts on here about idle crushes and wondering what it would be like - but if it's got to the point where you actually want to do it and feel you're missing out by not exploring that, then you're not ready to commit to this relationship and need to be honest and separate. Doing so would not make you a terrible person, but staying in the relationship when it's not what you want will not be good for either of you.

Tbh I think if you are in a long term relationship, be it same sex or not, and you feel like you are missing out on sex with others then that is telling that there is something not quite right. We all have moments where we have that but tbh they are very few and far between I have found if you love your partner and are truly happy.

What has your sexuality got to do with it? You're in a relationship with someone who wants monogamy, and you want something else. You're not compatible. It doesn't make you a bad person, it just means that you and Ms Intensity aren't matched.

Yes, I felt like that in a old relationship

He was an emotionally abusive fuckwit, who wore me down and isolated me from everyone