It’s making me feel so sad…

[ApplesForEveryone]

I’ve always wanted a family of my own, thinking one day I’ll be a nana.
Falling pregnant took a long time then after two miscarriages, my lovely baby girl was born. DD was diagnosed as autistic but we love her so much. She’ll never be able to live totally independent but I’ve sort of accepted this. We tried for a second child but it’s wasn’t to be.

Im now 52 and friends and colleagues children are having babies and I’m realising this won’t be happening for us. I won’t be a Nan.

I’m struggling SO very much with this. I feel so different having an ASD child as it is. The struggles are real and I others can’t relate. My husband isn’t bothered about this, but I am.

How can I overcome this? I’m finding it hard to accept.

I'm not sure there is 'a way'. Your sadness about this is perfectly fair and reasonable - maybe you need to let yourself feel it without feeling that you have to get past it. You don't have to pressure yourself or feel guilty for feeling this way.

We all know - in theory - how feelings change over time and how even terrible griefs can become a part of our emotional landscape that are accepted. I don't suppose there is a quick fix for something big like this, but I am sure that you will have other joys that coexist alongside your sadness.

i think you have to accept that you’ve had your turn at family life, and how your child lives their life is something you can’t control or expect anything from. Adult children might decide not to have kids, might move to the other side of the world, might not be able to have children for all sorts of reasons.
You don’t mention how old your daughter is or if she has learning disabilities or health issues - but ASD by itself doesn’t prevent having a family. I’m autistic myself and have two amazing kids, a job etc. It hasn’t been easy (becoming a parent and having an autistic child was what made me really realise I was autistic myself) but has made me ‘grow up’ a lot.