We've been together 5 years. I would say that in this time, DP has had two serious very 'low' periods to the point where he has been prescribed anti-depressants. Both of these, I'd thought, were externally triggered insofar as one related to his work environment and him not enjoying the office set-up. The other involved a parent passing away.
Recently, though, he has become morose and depressed again. He says he doesn't know what's wrong. I feel I should be supportive but if the truth be told, I'm starting to wonder if this is something I can live with. We're obviously in a long term relationship but don't live with one another. We spend weekends together. At some stage, a discussion about us moving in with each other (or not) will have to be had. tHowever, the thought of actually living with someone who drains the life-blood from me and our relationship fills me with complete panic, making me feel trapped and claustrophobic. I feel such a bitch saying this as I know I probably should support him but part of me honestly thinks my support would just perpetuate him maintaining this mood instead of seeking counselling or GP support.
At the weekend, I hinted about returning to the GP and he replied he would if he felt any worse. Absolutely his decision, of course, but he probably won't. He muttered something about not being able to get hold of a GP appt (for another unrelated event). Yet, in the meantime, there's no joy in our time together. His mood eclipses anything else and taints whatever we do.
I'm nearing 60, with one failed marriage behind me and I feel I've reached a stage where I just can't take on another person's moroseness. It's utterly draining and I want now a life of calm and happiness and optimism instead of life with a glass half empty.
When not in this state, he is fun and funny and caring, affectionate and generous.
I do love him dearly but I've got to be honest, I was relieved when he went back home yesterday.
Am I being utterly unfair here?