Husband stares

[rootedmama@26]

Feeling very insecure. I was with my man for 2 months then got pregnant so pretty much our whole relationship I have not been confident in my body and seeing how much pregnancy has changed it. I am 5 month pp and still have so many insecurities. During the beginning of our relationship I noticed he would stare at other girls while out with me. I feel like it’s ok to stare even I stare but he would constantly look back at the girls and would get distracted when I was trying to talk to him. I finally called him out and would be like oh do you know her? I know it’s petty of me but it would just make me feel like shit since the girls he was looking at had a slimmer figure than my pregnancy body. We just got back from vacation and he did it again all weekend after knowing how it makes me feel. I just don’t know what to do should I just let it go? The reality is that men will look at other women no matter how much they love their partner. It would be highly unrealistic to expect them not to. Am I overreacting?

Not all men stare at women.

They might glance. But staring is creepy whether with someone or not.

Even worse if the other person becomes clearly uncomfortable.

So yes it's disrespectful to but but it's also so much more.

why would you put up with it when it’s obviously hurtful. He’s doing it because he knows he’ll get a reaction - he’s being childish

You're not overreacting. I think it's a bad habit some men get into. My husband sometimes did this so I decided to look on it as being on a par with picking your nose or farting in public. It's not exactly hurting anyone but it's disrespectful and civilized people learn not to do this no matter how great the urge. I told him I found it disrespectful and pointed out that it made him look sleazy. Now if I ever catch a blatant stare I make a sarcastic comment like ' the sun's out so it's staring season for dirty old men' I should mention that there is a lot of humour in our relationship so I try not to be too heavy about it, but I am not putting up with it!

My husband does it, I find it hurtful as well, especially as we seldom have sex these days either. I never thought I’d put up with it, but I do, as I feel bad about my body, with being overweight. But the relationship is good in other ways.
I’m sorry that you are also experiencing this.

My ex used to do this and it made me so insecure. He ended up cheating on me and I vowed to never date a man who would gawk at other women the way he did. My DH doesn’t do it (if he does he’s very subtle). Everybody has a sneaky look but making a point of it is disrespectful. Some women are ok with it, I am not and it’s a deal breaker for me now.

i think you’re normalising something that isn’t normal.

of course it’s normal that a lot of people notice someone who might be very attractive. However staring is not normal. No one I have ever had a relationship with has openly stared at other women. It must creep out the women he stares at.

Sadly this relationship has weak foundations. I doubt if it has longevity, given this kind of problem at the start. It will not get better. It's totally disrespectful to ogle other women when out with your partner.... at any time actually. It's immature and selfish.

How old is he?

I would not progress any relationship with men that do this, I've had bfs that have done this, and it's not something I would put up with anymore. Sorry to hear you are tied to someone like this, have you told him how hurtful it is?
Everyone looks at other attractive people but do blatantly do this in front of you is disrespectful.

There is people watching and both of you admiring an exceptionally attractive, well turned out woman walking past and then there is him sitting there like a useless lump gawping at any bit of skirt that walks by.

I wouldn't tolerate it whatsoever and thankfully have never encountered such an inattentive and disrespectful man.

my Ex used to do this - that’s why he is an ex

No, it isn't normal. We can all - men and women - see someone who we find attractive and that thought flickers through our thoughts. Then we move on. It is rude and disrespectful - to our partner (whether or not they are present) - and to the recipient - if we stare / gawp / leer / look them up and down / try to get eye contact.

It is especially bad if you've pointed it out to him and he's still doing it. He doesn't have the excuse that he doesn't realise he's doing it. He knows it upsets you. But he still does it.

Sleazy creeps noticeably stare at women.

It is just awful and definitely not normal.

Disrespectful definitely but even more so it is really creepy.

The reality is that men will look at other women no matter how much they love their partner. It would be highly unrealistic to expect them not to

No, it isn't the reality, and no, it wouldn't be unrealistic.

Don't raise a child with a man like this. A boy will learn to do the same, and a girl will learn that it's acceptable (as you have, somewhere along the line)

You don't have to put up with anything you find uncomfortable in a relationship. If you tell him you don't like the fact that he eats crisps, his viewpoint should be to find a compromise that takes your feelings into account. Not upsetting you should be a higher priority of his than some petty behaviour.

Not all men do this and you don't have to accept it. That's the reality.

My Ex did this & I mean properly stared!I didn’t feel insecure but it made me cringe🤨 everyone glances, it’s completely normal but to stare is sleazy. His Dad did it too so I think it’s learnt behaviour. I’ve never noticed my friends partners do it, a quick look but not an exaggerated gawp!! It’s awful!