Help me to help my friend

[StaceysmomandIhavegotitgoinon]

I posted before that my friend is a alcoholic. She works and raises kids and up until now I thought she was a functioning alcoholic however her older child has contacted me and told me some really disturbing things that are happening at home and I cannot in all good conscience ignore it this time.

My friend has been verbally abusive to her kids. I have seen this myself and witnessed it but what i saw and commented on was mild compared to what I have been told yesterday. My friend has also been physically abusive to her eldest who is currently wanting to move out of home but is reluctant in case my friend turns against the youngest child then. My friend works and has a hobby but almost every night she drinks a couple of drinks which is fine but at the weekend she gets absolutely hammered and this is when the abuse kicks in. I have been sent photos of damage done to the house and to her older child and I feel sick.

My friend knows she has a problem with alcohol but does not know how to get help but I think she also needs a lot of therapy. She lives in England and I am in Ireland so I cannot just pop over and talk to her and every time she is on the phone to me she is drinking but she drinks to a point she does not remember conversations so this would be pointless. I also do not want to tell her that her child has contacted me in case it gets worse at home for this child (adult child I should point out).

Can anyone point me in the right direction here? Her family are all in Ireland too and her friendship group over there would not be close enough to her to know any of this either.

What an awful position you are in op.
You need to contact social services today. Say you are a neighbour or something if needs be these children need help. Call the police for a welfare check if you have to ,are you prepared to lose the friendship if need be for the sake of the children?
I know it's a horrid place to be as an outsider as I had to do it to a family member I asked to remain anonymous but ss told them it was a family member and as I'd pulled them up on their behaviour before they knew it was me straight away.

What a sad situation.

You need to call social services for her local authority or if you know where the children go to school, contact the school. The needs of the children have to come first.

I think I might book a flight and sit down with her and chat instead of calling SS. Her eldest is in their 20's and youngest is a teen. The eldest does not want the police called because they know SS would then get involved. It really is all such a mess. We just need to get my friend to see what she is doing to her family but not really sure how to go about it.

If she has an alcohol dependency, you flying over for a chat is not going to help her stop drinking or protect her kids.

Alcohol is her number 1 priority.

She may abuse the kids further after you've gone because they dared tell you.

Report to the Police, social services and kids' schools instead. They are better placed than you - as trained professionals- in dealing with this situation and safeguarding the kids.

This is not your responsibility. If children are being abused, Social Services need to be informed, rather than individuals taking the situation on.

I think you need to protect the kids more than you need to protect your friend.

If she's an alcoholic, popping over for a chat, is not really going to cut it. You should call SS. Plus, if she's in England, there is plenty of help for people with alcohol problems who want help. AA for a start