Small white lies or something else?

[Somethingisup]

Hi

Long time browser but I've name changed for this one (Daily Mail please f* off).

I've been in a long term relationship for over 10 years. We have a home, young children etc.

Over the last couple of weeks something just seems off. It sounds ridiculous written down but I'll give it a try.

He's left the house on the same day for the last couple of weeks. Only for an hour or so. He tells me he's going on these little errands but there's just too much detail and a couple of things that don't make sense. It just felt off. So I looked where he had been (I know, I know) and he hasn't been to those places. He's been in the same general area but not to the places he said. He's been to two different residential streets where we don't know anyone and stayed 15- 30 mins ish and left.

I honestly wouldn't mind if he was going for a drive, walk, coffee etc etc and never ask him to explain himself so the lies feel very strange and unnecessary. I don't really want to ask him yet as it doesn't seem like much on its own but there's just something. So what do I do?

You know he went to nearby residences, you know he was on a hook-up site and he refuses to let you see more.

He 100% met them.
Yuk. How awful for you and your family

I'm so sorry he's done this to you. No one deserves to be treated this way.

He says there's nothing to be gained, but in reality there's everything to lose by not showing you his profile. Letting you see everything was his opportunity to show you that he wasn't actually meeting people.

Have you checked out the addresses he went to? Are they residences or businesses?

Please get tested right away.
💐

OP - I'm so sorry. I've been exactly where you are currently. He will delete his profile and you will never get answers to your questions. If he hasn't met with anybody, he would show you the messages to prove this. He won't let you look because he has met up with people. This type of situation really impacts your mental health as you can't work out the truth. Can you go on the holiday without him and ask him to move out whilst you are away? The only way to gain any form of clarity is for him not to be around you. Good luck

15 to 30 minutes is ample time for an appointment with a prostitute. It might not even be full sex. Prostitutes advertise their quarter and half hour rates on sites so there's obviously a market for it.

I'm impressed that you can track him without him knowing, OP.

Can you join up and try and find his profile that way?

My ex did similar - told me he was off to the gym, but when I looked (accidentally at first - his location was shared on google maps) he was actually at a sauna (not the health-club kind).. then all sorts of other things came to light, and some other things started to make sense (eg. him taking naked pictures of himself in the bathroom - including dick picks - which automatically shared to the family account - and he told me was just him being silly and posing in front of the mirror - but I now know were to prove himself for hookups)

I know it's tempting to want to see his profile, but TBH, I looked but never found ex's, it was all upsetting enough, and a year or so on I don't care any more, I'm disgusted enough by his behaviour towards me and the kids, I don't need to know the specifics past the cheating and lying.

Sorry long morning. I ended up sobbing in front of the children earlier. They were following me around, as they do, and the next thing I was a sobbing mess. I had promised myself I wouldn't do that.

Yes akin to Fab Swingers. I'm really wishing I'd just looked at the time. I dithered about setting up an account last night and all the options were about meet ups so it doesn't look good. He's probably deleted it all now anyway.

OP, I'm so sorry to hear this. What a shit of a man.

My advice right now is to take the kids and go on your holiday. Without him. Hes lost that right since he has been hooking up with other women for god knows what (though we can guess). He has lost all rights to be involved in any decisions you make from now on.
I's also tell him calmly to be gone by the time you are all back.

Oh I'm so sorry to hear your update OP.

I agree with @Bookworm20 If you don't want to explain to the kids straight away you could tell them that he's got a work emergency or similar - although I appreciate it might not feel ok to lie to them.

What did you tell them when you started crying?

We'll have to speak again tonight when the kids aren't around.

I just told them that some things had got on top of me but nothing was their fault and I love them very much.

Have you got anyone you can confide in in real life?

@Somethingisup I've just come across your thread after seeing you comment on another thread. I've been through what you are going through now, I caught my husband on a hook up site a couple of years ago now and like yours he swore he would never have met anyone but they all say that that don't they. I remember that feeling of shock and devastation and I'm so sorry you are going through this too. How are you doing now?