Moving house and grown up daughter!

[Whyiseverythingsodifficult]

Need some advice!
My husband and I are planning on moving within a radius of approximately 15 miles from where we live as we plan to downsize and buy a small plot of land.
Always dreamed of doing this.
We have had an amazing offer on our house, a bit earlier than planned, but in some ways its too good an opportunity to miss. We plan to retire in a few years.
We agreed to the sale.
However, my 30 year old daughter lives round the corner on her own.
It took a look of persuading from us to get her to leave home and buy a property for herself - 2 miles away.
She didn't want to leave home, lots of tears, I nearly had a nervous breakdown.
I couldn't cope with her living at home anymore, messy, lazy, etc, etc. She doesn't want us to move and even said that her friends parents "still live not far away from them"!!! She hasnt got a brilliant social life and still relies on us all the time to entertain her! I feel I have failed as a parent and I have been horrible/doing something horrible.
Should I stay or move?
Am I in the wrong here?

Definitely move

Move.
Best for you and best for her.

Good luck.

Definitely move

This sounds like SIL.
PIL’s decided they were going to downsize and move to the coast. SIL (mid 30’s) gave them such a guilt trip that they’ve called it off, and instead have bought a new, more expensive house in the same village as her (they were about 20 mins away before).
Don't be like PIL.

@ ReadytoMoveIt Good advice. I think thats what I am afraid of. Either not moving or moving somewhere to please my daughter!

Move. Someone needs to cut the ties here and it looks like it has to be you. Your dd can drive, has a job, own home and relatively independent on the outside.

This will hopefully push her to been more emotionally independent and find her feet.

I can see both sides.

I've been in your daughter's shoes before. Not having many friends and no family close by is very hard. It's very lonely. I get why she would be nervous about you moving further away.

However, I do feel like you have to focus on yourself sometimes. As she drives, I think you should go for it. Do remember though, adult or not, it's hard to live on your own for lots of reasons.

@BluebellField You are correct. She does struggle living on her own and would much rather be living at home, making a mess, not helping in the house and leaving her dirty washing for me to do.......................! It was difficult persuading her to buy her own place but she could afford it and needed to get on the property ladder. Both myself and her dad have made a huge effort to get the place looking lovely for her, helped decorate, gave her money towards the deposit etc. She hasn't got a brilliant social life but does see her friends/pursues hobbies, has a teaching job, BUT is very reliant on us still and that is so hard. We have been there for her 100% but its tiring and sometimes I want to shake her to make an effort! She has had counselling but refuses any sort of medication (which I am sure would help with the anxiety) so in the end apart from being there, we can't do anymore and hence my problem about feeling we can't move. I feel its my fault.

You should move for both your sakes. As others have said 15 miles is nothing, especially as she drives. She needs to become more self sufficient. How much more guilty will you feel when you get older and she still hasn't make a proper life for herself because she is so reliant on you. You are not abandoning her to go to the other side of the world or even the other end of the country.

How are you doing @Whyiseverythingsodifficult? Hope you and your husband are still going ahead with your plans- it will be good for you both and good for your daughter too, once she gets used to it. 🌹

Just move, she is a grown woman and really needs to get a grip....she also sounds selfish...

Dear lord, go! You’re a few years ahead of me, we’re going to buy a small holding, it’s our dream. You’ll be 15 miles away, ffs, hardly far, stop letting her dictate to you, it’s bizarre. This is a one shot deal, live your life!