Not sure what to do..

[Dorey86]

I’m not sure where to post, who to speak to, I certainly cannot talk to family, friends or work colleagues, so perhaps here would be safe for advise on a very sensitive issue, and being women - mothers..
ive been with my partner two years, a very difficult relationship for one reason or another, this evening we engaged in sexual relations, but he wanted to do something I have previously refused, this time he didn’t stop, three times I said no, he continued, I cried out and said and said please stop but he wouldn’t, told me to relax, i couldn’t and said please again.. made no difference, he then finished. I didn’t know what to do or how to feel, and when I asked him why he didn’t stop he said he didn’t realise I wasn’t serious as I didn’t push him off.. I couldn’t, he was behind me…
surely in a relationship I shouldn’t have to push him off in anycase for him to stop…
i went in the other room and he shortly followed to say sorry If I hurt you, I got carried away.
move not said anything other than please don’t ever do that to me again, he got defensive but said ok.
nothing more said about it as I know he will get angry and to be honest I’m still stunned.
i don’t know what to think or feel and I am in pain.
how can I get passed this.
what happened? What do I do? If anything?
im so sad and confused right now

This is rape OP and you need to contact the police. I really hope someone in real life can support you with this, but in the meantime you'll get loads of help on here. I'm so sorry this has happened to you x

no means no relationship or not, this is rape. Get out of there and call the police, you are right to be upset what he has done is wrong.
Hope you are ok and have people to support through this x

I'm really sorry but that is rape. If you don't feel you can call the police tonight then personally I wouldn't wash and I would go first thing in the morning. I wouldn't tell him I was going. You poor thing, what an absolute shit he is.

If you need someone to talk to, the rape crisis centre is open tomorrow rapecrisis.org.uk/

Talk to us online

The Live Chat Helpline is currently closed. Our opening times are:
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Talk on the phone
Call 0808 802 9999
The National Helpline is provided by Rape Crisis South London. It offers confidential emotional support, information and referral details.

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He did something you've already told him you don't want, while you were telling him not to do it. And now you can't discuss it or HE will get angry?😡

Quite apart from being a rapist, this man does not care for you at all.

If you can't face reporting it to the police, then don't feel you have to; but do get out of this relationship as soon as you can.

Do you live together? Whose name is the title/tenancy in?

This has gone WAY beyond being a very difficult relationship for one reason or another, @Dorey86 !!!

He has RAPED you - anally raped you.
And him seeking to minimize what he has done tells you precisely what kind of man he is.

Please contact your nearest Rape Crisis Centre or Women's Aid for support and advice. 💐

He raped you OP. If I was you I would leave. Do you have somewhere you could go? He will do it again just when you start to trust him again and it will keep going on. Do you have family near by that you could stay with?

Oh darling, I'm so sorry. You need to get some help asap, mentally to help you accept and not get over but come to terms with it, and physically as you said you are still in pain. You may need stitches. Ring a friend now, someone you trust, to come and get you. Speak to the rape line the earlier poster suggested to discover your options. Will you ever relax enough to have sex with this man again? Would you trust him to look after you if you were drunk out of your mind? If he can ignore your pleas to stop, would he think its acceptable to drug you? I think you know this relationship is over, this isn't a difficult relationship, it's a potentially deadly one. Please get out now. Only you can decide whether to report him, its a horrible decision whichever way you go. I think you need to consider why you felt you couldn't shout/question/rant about it as you were TOO FRIGHTENED of his reaction. Think about why you feel like that. You are not safe with this person. He does not respect or care for you. You were an object he used for his pleasure. I wish you a recovery and some peace with whatever decision you make.

Op I hope you are OK. What he did was wrong and you know it.

For those who enjoy anal sex it is not something you can just do without foreplay. You can't just do it - it hurts and can be damaging.
He has abused you in a horrible way and shown contempt for you and your body. I am sorry this has happened.
Are you OK now? Are you safe ?

He didn’t get ‘carried away’, he deliberately chose not to stop when told NO. You have backed down because you are scared of his anger. He is a rapist and and abuser. He knows he just has to threaten you with an angry response and you will shut up. Unless you end this relationship now and report your rape he will continue to abuse you. Speak to the rape crisis centre for advice.

You need this man out of your life. You have to seek help and honestly , I would advise you to get out of the house and seek medical attention. If he objects to you trying to leave ,call the police.

I am so sorry that happened to you

You did not consent - that is rape. Contact the police. Dont ignore this as he might do it again. Get somewhere safe.

If you really can't face reporting him to the police and you are still hurting, then please seek medical help.

Get out of there get away from him. Please.
I've been where you are.
You'll have a million questions running around your head with no answers.
Sweetheart please get away. Please contact rape crisis. Be safe.

Have you got support near by?

Feel free to dm me if you want to talk privately. It's a very hard thing to do.

If you ever feel violated after sex or ignored it's one of the worst possible events to experience.
You will need help. Emotional and maybe medical too. Especially if you are in pain.

Talk to someone you can trust and get away from him now.

Good luck. The road to recovery is long x

It's rape op,no means no,call the police x

how can I get passed this

You don't get past it, you get away from it.

Apologies, I didn’t get any notifications!!
Thank you all for your replies, support and advise.
I am working very hard to get my head around what happened, I have children and they are saving me (without knowing) the children are and have always been safe, this happened when they were with their nana. I would never put my girls in harms way!
i didn’t go to the police, I couldn’t face it, I couldn’t put his mother through it as stupid as that sounds.
I went to work the next day but because of what happened I collapsed in the corridor due to pain , I have endometriosis & adenomyosis and this must have aggravated it because the pain was unbearable, I was sweating! My collègues were brilliant, I said nothing.
he called me that afternoon and I said what had happened, he said sorry once again. I haven’t seen him since, he is an addict and I’ve been told he has been seen on the streets in town..
he called me two days ago, I cried, he said he is happy where he is, it’s everyone else’s fault for constantly being on his back and I shouldn’t have made a fuss because it’s not as if ‘I attacked you’
i hung up. Nothing more since.
i feel sick and embarrassed, angry and sad. Everyone around me said he was no good because of his addictions ( he never brought it to my house) but when I just kept hoping it would change, good times were great. He has all the support, all the tools, but he chooses not to use them.
even after all he has done I still feel sad, I think I’ve lost my mind?

@Vicks86 , you haven't lost your mind, but you have been through an extremely traumatic experience. Can you go to your gp? You need medical help first and foremost, and then some counselling.
The good news is he's out of your life ( and, he did attack you BTW). Please keep it that way. Let him keep blaming everyone else for his wrong doings. You look after yourself.
There's a better future for you now.

Thank you. I’m so lost it’s pathetic…
i have an operation re the endometriosis on wed, I guess I will need to tell them what has happened?
one of the hardest parts of all of this, is not being able to talk to anyone.. other than on here, which is a huge relief and help!! That as well as the stab in the chest when I remind myself of how little he thought of me to think it ok to do what has been done and but also to shrug it off as if it were nothing.. I really don’t mean anything, if I ever even did..

Anyway. Enough negativity from me! Everyone has their own things to deal with without my misery to add.
i hope everyone enjoyed their weekend

Enjoys*

@Vicks86 , I'm glad you've got this operation on weds. As hard as it will be for you, yes, you'll have to tell them. You'll get medical help which is what you need.
And yes, of course, everyone has problems, but like I said upthread, you have been through a lot. Please don't think you're being too negative or miserable - you have a right to your feelings. You will get a lot of help here. Keep posting.

@Vicks86 , how are you feeling today ?

Really appreciate the messages, I really do.
I’m not sleeping well, I’ve a million thoughts and feelings whirring around my head! physically I am ok, I can now sit comfortably, I’ve been so embarrassed!
His mother, who is going through hell :( messaged me yesterday to say he has been seen begging outside a shop and is telling people he has nothing and no where to go, completely off his face. It’s not true! He has his mums she just can’t have him around the family when off his face.
im full of rage, a part of me wants to find him and scream at him!! The emotional abuse over the past two years I see it now, and then what he did, I’m so so angry. I know I need to let it go, I just feel so used and humiliated ! I can’t sit still.
im so angry, I drift off to thoughts of seeing him and what I would say/do, keep having to shake myself out of getting lost with such thoughts.

thank you for listening, I hope you are well ?

@Vicks86 , I'm ok thanks.

You sound like you really need to speak to someone. Don't be embarrassed. None of this is your fault. None of it.
Can you see your gp ? Or any of the women's helplines mentioned above ?