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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

We’ve not had sex in over a year.

30 replies

Slavetolove · 22/05/2022 20:36

Me and my husband have been together since 2014. Married in 2019. We have a 5 year old and 2 from a previous relationship.

we had an “ok” sex life up until covid hit and the kids were at home Al the time. Before covid we would have sex in the day.

it went 6 months then another 6 months.

iv just looked on my period tracker and we haven’t had sex since 12th may last year.

i feel like absolute shit. I have zero confidence and just generally feel depressed. I have tried everything, sexy undies, flirting, touching him, sexting, taking him out for dinner etc. nothing. He turns me down.

we are going away next week for a night in Manchester to see a band. If we don’t have sex I generally think I’m going to leave.

OP posts:

Cas112 · 23/05/2022 15:36

DontBlameMe79 · 23/05/2022 12:21

I think you need to suck it up unfortunately and live with it. You both made an oath around for better or worse and it’s just one of those things.

You could try affairs but I’d not recommend them and they are likely to be unfulfilling.

He may just have the ick with you and if that’s the case there is little chance of recovering unfortunately. But think of your children. It’s a bad situation and I feel for you.

Ignore this rubbish advice

Paprikapommes · 23/05/2022 15:45

Ok so he won't discuss why he doesn't want it anymore. And he's allowed to not want sex.

But will he discuss how this makes you feel and have you made him aware that this is not sustainable for you personally - does he understand and accept that your relationship is at stake due to this change in behaviour?

If yes to all the above, then it's likely over. I don't see why a night in a hotel will change circumstances and you putting all your hopes on that date will likely end in disappointment

AryaStarkWolf · 23/05/2022 15:45

Slavetolove · 22/05/2022 20:42

He won’t discuss it. Says he doesn’t know what’s wrong but he could happily never have it again.

Have you noticed any of other changes in him? Do you think he could be depressed? It may not just be about sex

Paprikapommes · 23/05/2022 15:58

Also just to add. You don't exactly position your sex life as fireworks to begin with... Are you sure it's sex you're missing or is it being desired? Two very different things.

Your DH could agree to make an effort, but in reality it could end up feeling fake, and like he's simply going through the motions. Which is not the confidence boost or connection you feel you're currently missing.

LoveLifeBeHappy · 18/09/2024 12:34

DontBlameMe79 · 23/05/2022 12:21

I think you need to suck it up unfortunately and live with it. You both made an oath around for better or worse and it’s just one of those things.

You could try affairs but I’d not recommend them and they are likely to be unfulfilling.

He may just have the ick with you and if that’s the case there is little chance of recovering unfortunately. But think of your children. It’s a bad situation and I feel for you.

I think you need to suck it up unfortunately and live with it. You both made an oath around for better or worse and it’s just one of those things.

This is the worst advice ever.

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