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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Toxic relationships

11 replies

Emilyrose456 · 22/05/2022 19:50

Before I post this overall I feel hapoy and healthy and enjoying being a single mum to my son,6 (even though I'm very tired of course) I kicked an ex out a long time ago (about 2 years ago now) because he was on drugs and I had no idea and I didn't want him living with me and my son....due to risks of drugs being around. It was also a horrendous relationship to be honest. He moved to his brothers and lives ther and him and his brother (in their 30s) do drugs together all day every day. Like I said there is no going back. When we were together I also lost count of the amount of times he cheated also. The problem is when my son goes to his dads every weekend I still meet up with him to put it bluntly we have sex all weekend then he goes back to his brothers. This has been going on for probably about a year there has been times where I've for example arranged to meet someone else and ive met them and we don't get on e.t.c and there's been times when me and ex have had no contact at all and I always seem to go back to seeing him on the weekends. But then when he goes back to his brothers I sit there and think God whose he with/ whts he doing / whose he talking to and cant seem to detatch at all. I dont want any more children so im in absolutely no 'rush' to meet anyone or have anything serious. But in the week I'm plagued by these thoughts sometimes when I get a minute. I want to stress no we are never getting back together for so so many reasons and he isn't someone who is appropriate to be around a child (drugs reasons) I jist csnt seem to understand why I won't seem to fully let go and meet somebody else. But because I dont want any children I think he is just convenient so I always go back to seeing him on a weekend (when I'm childless of course) should I be wanting better for myself? I just find the whole thing difficult and feel like I'm stopping myself from meeting someone worthwhile or even having time on my own. Ive spoke to friends and some of them have people they 'spend time with' on a weekend and that its no difference its just an ex. Has anyone ever had a similar arrangement with an ex? Also if he did meet someone and wanted to cut contact I would be upset but its his life so I'd let it happen of course.

OP posts:
Yebs · 22/05/2022 20:27

To be honest if it’s constantly on drugs then your son shouldn’t be seeing him every weekend, he needs to sort himself out before he can have contact. I would not be allowing it.

You need to distance yourself, stop having sex with him and only see him for supervised contact until he’s clean and safe for your son to be around. Meet in a public place if you can’t resist, or have a friend or parent with you / your son instead. Don’t waste your life on this man and don’t put your son at risk.

Finalcountdowntoourtripaway · 22/05/2022 20:28

You need some therapy op...
This isn't healthy in any way.

260el · 22/05/2022 20:29

I think I might have misunderstood and this man isn’t the father of your son - if that’s the case then perfect, even easier to deal with, raise your standards, block and move on with your life. Yes there will be moments you miss him and want to run back, keep strong, know your worth and in time you’ll be glad.

260el · 22/05/2022 20:30

Why are you letting this man around your son?

260el · 22/05/2022 20:30

They posted the wrong way round… oops!

Watchkeys · 22/05/2022 21:14

What do you do for yourself that makes you respect you?

Emilyrose456 · 22/05/2022 21:23

Hi girls I think they posted it the wrong way round hes nowhere near my son hasn't been for years for this reason

OP posts:
Emilyrose456 · 22/05/2022 21:25

@Watchkeys I'm happy in daily life with my son respect wise im not so sure I would be seeing someone better than this if I had better standards

OP posts:
Piglet80 · 22/05/2022 21:51

Sounds a bit grimy... know you deserve better

Emilyrose456 · 22/05/2022 22:05

@Piglet80 thankyou xx

OP posts:
wellhelloitsme · 22/05/2022 22:11

I really think you need some counselling to untangle why on earth you're shagging a druggie every weekend despite knowing what he's like. I know that sounds snarky but that's the reality of what is happening, if I understand your post correctly.

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