is this emotional blackmail??

[TLV]

Dh walked out on me and dd almost 3 months ago, he's started divorce and i can't talk to him coz apparently everything I say to him is emotional blackmail. I've said things like how can he do what he has done to both me and dd and how can he try to get us out of the house, if i tell him we love him and miss him and that dd cries for him its all emotional blackmail to get him to come home, he wants to see her whenever he wants and wants to know all the good things that are going on in her life (is this how breakups work then) how do i emotionally protect myself if I allow him to come and go as he pleases and should i be ringing him saying ooh dd did this and this? Is he accusing me of emotional blackmail to ease his guilt?

he sounds awful
what a terrible situation
let him initiate the phone calls if you possibly can

I wouldn't be ringing him to tell him what the child has done.

I would stop telling him you love him and how can he do this to you.

Treat it like a business transaction. You have a child together so will have to see and speak to each other but just be cool.

Let him see what he will miss. If he doesn't see it, you are better off without him.

He wants to call the shots. Don't let him.

Yes it is emotional blackmail, you are the injured party here and he should be apologising not finding fault with everything you do. Yes it is to ease his guilt.

If I were you I would act aloof. If he doesn't want you let him find out what it's like without your love and attention. This is all too easy for him.

oh dear so i have been emotionally blackmailing him

i'm at relate this week and he is still coming with me but i'm really want to bring this up with the counsellor about me emotionally blackmailing him. I had in my own stupidity agreed to sell the house (nothing legally binding) when he first left but tbh I was very distraught and my emotions all over, he is living with his mum and shouts me down everytime i've said i want to stay here as its dd's home (all emotional blackmail again he says)

no not at all, I was very independent when we met and I think he loved that, once we had dd i kinda took charge over house things and he let me and didn't tell me it wasn't ok, I chose decor/interior I became a sahm at one point, looked after the home cooked etc. Was only till last year near end sept that i really noticed a change in him, now apparently he said he had suggested relate about a year ago (i can't remember it) all marriages have ups and downs and this being his second marriage I'm guessing that he can't handle problems at all. He seems to want to have his cake and eat it in my opinion. I'm not perfect by any means and I know my faults, he seems to have had a personality transplant

TLV - you are not emotionally blackmailing him, but he is you to a degree I think.

Firstly - stop blaming yourself for stuff as you seem to be very willing to accept what he says, you are quite right that all relationships go through bad patches and some people just bolt at the first sign of trouble - I would put your h in this category. Fairytales don't last no matter what Disney may have programmed us to expect.

Don't tell him you love him anymore, it will just give him the upper hand.

Make firm arrangements about his access time to dd and only phone him if it is very important. He made the decision to go which means IMO he forfeited the right to be kept up to date on daily achievements of dd's etc.

I know it's really, really hard but try not to ask him anything about what he's doing and act as if you couldn't give a flying f*.

Keep strong you are worth more than this

No sorry TLV I meant it is emotional blackmail from him to you not the other way around. Sorry badly worded.