I had a lucky escape but feel sick

[Scorpio8]

In 2015 I wasn't in a good place in my life. I really went off the rails made some very bad choices which I am not happy about. What is done is done.

I met a married man very close to where I lived. We did start an affair and yes I know it was very wrong. I did end it with him and then a lot happened with myself moved away from that area.

I knew he drank but he said it was because of his wife. But someone told me he use to beat her. He done so many bad things .
One thing I heard is that he raped his own daughter I feel completely sick.

He has since moved away and not allowed near his wife or kids.

But a couple of days ago saw a profile pic on him on a dating site. I feel sorry for the next woman that meets him.

We did briefly cross paths after I moved away. Because something happened where he hit into my friends dad's car. His friend covered for him but my friend found it was him. He did get his mate to pull up car next to me as I use to visit her. He lived next to my friend it was very awkward but then stopped going there because of him.

I feel full of guilt because of his wife and children. Especially his daughter and it makes me feel physically sick knowing what he did.

I know I probably won't get nice replies but feel I did have such a lucky escape. This is why we all got to be careful of married men. The worst part I told him something very personal and can't tell my friend and I hope that didn't tip him over the edge. He said he was fine we just we had no contact. It's got me wondering if that tipped him over edge. This was something that could of affected him.

I just moved on in my life now but feel so bad. I think he did so much bad things to his wife and children.

How do you process that in your head after being with someone like that. I feel disgusted with myself but what is done is done. I had no idea he was so unstable.
He doesn't even seem like same man.

I don't expect nice replies but certainly a lesson for us all.

Most married me. Having affairs don’t rape their own daughters.

You didn’t cause anything to tip him over the edge.

He is a terrible person. You aren’t in anyway shape or form to blame.

However, you need to let this go. You need to find a way. The affair happened a long time ago. It was shit. But it’s done. Your guilt doesn’t help the wife or daughter and their trauma isn’t yours to share. Deal with your own and move on.

Why is his disgusting behaviour anything to do with you? Nothing you could have said or done could make a decent man behave like that.

I have moved on from him a very long time ago. No feelings what's so ever.
I know his wife and children they were my neighbour they live not far from me. My friend little boy plays with his son so awkward when she shows me photos of him.
I know he a bad man and out of all of our lives. But didn't expect him to do something like that to his own daughter.

Your right

I agree with the PP.
Nothing anyone said or confided in me would make me rape my own child. Therefore I believe nothing you did would cause this.
Nearly all of us have one ex who we regret and think WTF were we thinking. That’s all it is. Don’t overthink it.
This evil man does not deserve your thoughts.
Im happy to hear his wife and children are away from him. Happy to hear you are away from him.
With regards to the dating site, it would be nice if we could all warn then new partners of bad men but this isn’t possible in most situations.

Are you saying you think you're to blame for him raping his child and abusing his wife ? Have a think what you'd say to someone else who said that about a situation.
You are not in any way shape or form responsible.
If you told me whatever it is you told him I can assure you it wouldn't make me rape a child, think about what you're saying.
I've made many bad choices in relationships, most of us have
He wasn't suddenly bad, he wore a mask for you, that wasn't the real him but people are very convincing.
Please give yourself a hug, you need to find a way to let this go.
This monster has destroyed enough lives.

It's because I said to my friend and she ljke she knows she saw him on a site too. I don't normally talk to my friend about him. Because she is close to his wife now. Very awkward.
I honestly just feel sorry for any woman who meets him now.

Your right glad we all away from him now.

Have you heard of self-compassion? as a practice, not just vaguely oh yeh, I should stop berating myself I know, but really applying it. Sounds like you've got away from the worst of the trauma but be kind to yourself now. Anna Runkle (the crappy childhood fairy) has a really good video about how childhood cptsd or even just neglect sets you up to be a dickhead's side chick. I advise watching it. It rang so true.

But you haven’t moved on. Or you wouldn’t be posting this.

why would your friend be showing you photos of her sons best friends dad? Is this a child he has had since? Is he even meant to be seeing his son?

are these photos of her son with him? Does she know what he did, if so why is her son round him?

@BraveryBot9to5
Actually I'm going to check that out for myself thanks.

Oh good, there's a work book by kristen neff phd and christopher germer phd and it's really good, my therapist recommended it to me. normally i don't ''do the work'' I normally skip through the tough bits where you have to get out a pen, or listen to the meditation. But this workbook, I did one chapter each saturday morning for about 14 or 15 weeks, and let it all sink in slowly and went back over it. It has really shifted something in me.

Can you report him as a dangerous man to the site anonymously? I don't know how dating sites work so I'm not sure if this is the done thing.

I don't know if I can.