This has been an ongoing saga for a few years now.
DD (10) doesn't like her Dad (my ex).
We split up when she was 2, and for years, he saw her every other weekend and one evening in the week. There wasn't really any issues.
When lockdown happened, he was CEV and decided not to see her at all for about 5 months. This was fine by her. They talked on the phone occasionally.
When he started seeing her again, he decided he wanted more of a 50/50 arrangement, which I am fine with. I never wanted to stand in the way of their relationship and 50/50 was what I envisaged when we first split up, but it didn't suit him at the time.
It started out ok, but over time, DD struggled with it and had screaming meltdowns every time she has to go there.
When I probed, she told me about the things she doesn't like about his behaviour, which were all things I recognised from living with him. It's nothing abusive or malicious at all, he is just quite blunt, he parents by decree. He uses the 'because I said so' parenting philosophy. He always wants them to be out and about and doing something (which I think is great), but she has a busy week and would rather chill out a bit and do her crafting and reading and things at weekends. She says he shows no interest in the things she enjoys and teases her about everything she likes to do (she is highly sensitive to being laughed at). She says that, any time they do spend at home, he ignores her and watches sport (this was a big problem for me when we were together, so I recognise it). He also has a temper and, although he would never hurt her, he does raise his voice and slams doors and punches tables and things.
Once he accepted some of her points of view (after weeks of him denying it all, minimising her feelings and saying she is just being manipulative and a spoilt brat) he started trying to change some of his handling of her.
Things didn't improve and it was ruining my time with her, as every time it was nearing time for her to go to her Dad's, she would start getting emotional and acting up to avoid going.
I managed to persuade him that this was maybe because of the pattern of contact and that changing houses so often must be really difficult. We changed the arrangement so he now has her from Sunday afternoon - Tuesday morning every week. As she is at school on Monday, this is not a lot of time.
Things seemed to improve a bit for a while.
But today, she has spent the last hour crying on her bed because she doesn't want to go tomorrow, doesn't like her Dad, doesn't understand why we don't let her decide for herself.
I don't know what to do. She says she just doesn't like him.