Is this normal/ reasonable behaviour when in a relationship?

[Troubleinparaside]

i split up from my long term partner a couple or months ago and I’m reflecting on our relationship. This wasn’t the actual reason we split up but it definitely contributed to me being unhappy and was a bugbear of mine. Basically it always felt like he would much rather live like a “single bloke” by watching sport every weekend, sometimes in the house, sometimes in the pub, going to football matches in the week/weekend, and it’s not just one sport it’s all different types of sport. It felt like if I didn’t say anything he would happily do this all the time, but then if no sport was on that’s the time he would happily spend with me. He did invite me to go places and sometimes I would and I did try and show an interest watching certain things with him but it was constant and I don’t want every weekend doing things only he was interested in. My question is, why do these men get into relationships? Why be with someone but then prefer to spend the majority of the weekends watching football, snooker; darts, racing etc etc? Or was I unreasonable and to be annoyed? I always felt like I was the one filling in the gaps rather than our relationship being the priority and then him taking time out once a week to indulge in boy things! It wasn’t as bad when we first got together and I was ok with the balance we had at the start but that was before we lived together and by the time we lived together he had me!

I think it's important for people in relationships to have their own hobbies and interests. And also important to take an interest in each other's relationships. But I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who was that addicted to watching sports that I felt like I had to dig to find a spare slot to spend time with him.

As for why these types of people get into relationships, probably the same reason most of us do. They are attracted/interested in that person so they want that person in their life. But the reality of actually being in a relationship with that person isn't always sustainable.

She clearly said it wasn't bad in the beginning and there was a balance, honestly the post wasn't that long, it was right at the end smh.

@elle1005 I agree, I think it is healthy to have own interests and time apart but this just felt constant. And I was always made out to be the unreasonable one if I said anything even though the majority of weekends revolved around it and that if we went out for a couple of hours that was his “relationship bit” done and he could go back to watching sport sport sport and more sport all weekend. I know he loved me and was very upset when we did split up but I always felt like he would be happier single in the long run. @Overthewine It wasn’t always this bad at the start probably because we didn’t see each other every day and people always make more effort in the beginning so I didn’t realise the extent, and also lockdown meant a lot of sport wasn’t on at certain points. I just hear this scenario a lot and people joke about football widows etc but I think for the person in that relationship it’s hurtful, I encourage hobbies but when a hobby turns into more of an obsession I think it’s unfair for these people to be in serious relationships and make the other person out to be unreasonable when their needs aren’t being met.

Yeah if he thought that was his "relationship bit" done, like some kind of checklist that he's completed for the day, definitely good you got out of there.

I've been with a guy who was very into football, a mad supporter for his team, but I never once felt second to that. Sure, he'd want to see as many of the matches live as possible. But if it was between seeing his team play at the weekend, or spending a weekend away with me, he would have spent the weekend away with me.

@elle1005 he did come away for weekends for birthdays etc but if we weren’t away then pretty much all weekends were ruled by sport. If he supported just one football team then at least there would have been relief sometimes but because he likes to watch EVERYTHING sport related it was just draining!

@Notaneffingcockerspaniel thank you I’m glad to hear it sounds like I wasn’t the one being unreasonable then. Like mentioned above I just don’t think that level is sustainable in a relationship.