Pros and cons of divorce

[Deargod89]

Weighing up leaving my DH but I'm trying to be pragmatic and fail to see it makes sense but I can't shake it.

Pro:

1. not living with a massive man child who is terrible in bed

Cons:

1. losing our home (which is even more awful as the equity is 90% from me and my parents who sold their home to help me buy mine. V fortunate I know. Dad is now v old and couldn't bear to tell him losing all that money to DH - who he always hated)

2. leaving my DC with him. Missing my DC. My DC being ignored by him the whole weekend. My DS hates change. My other DC is a baby and clings me to me all day. They would be so so unhappy

3. losing friends

4. DH's MH problems getting much worse

5. losing my savings

6. still having his weird petty behaviour impact me through the DC for years and years

7. the drama.

8. the money spent on lawyers.

9. being lonely. I'm not 40 yet but my boobs are down by my knees and I don't have the energy or desire to date ever again. Every man I've ever been with has treated me like their mother. But being alone for the next 40 years is a bit much.

Sorry. Just can't stop thinking that maybe LTB isn't always the route to happiness.

Anyone with any helpful reflections or words of wisdom

X

Christ just do it. It’s not worth the money to be stuck with some fucking lump of uselessness. The pros are the freedom and finding yourself again. So what if you never meet another man again? Your dad will have to get over the money your happiness is more important. Get out while you are still young. Do you want to be stil with him for 40 more years?

If your Dad hates your DH then surely the last thing he would want is for you to stay with him regardless of the money?

other reasons for leaving: teach your children not to put up with unhealthy relationships
no longer feeling your DHs mental health is your responsibility
your DH will either step up (as my ex did) or will decide he doesn’t want to have the DC that often
only having his weird petty behaviour impact you through the DC from time to time rather than having to live with it ALL the time

You don't need to be alone for the next 40 years just because you aren't in a relationship with a man. I am sure that plenty of women get to a certain age, realise that men aren't all that, and realise that female friendships they had before were much nicer. I had an aunt who lived with her female friend for years into old age.

Yeah. All valid points. It just seems such an enormous imposition on the kids. I think if you split amicably or with a reasonable human then the kids can be fine...but my DH has poor mental health and would punish me through the kids. I don't see how that won't fuck them up. And they are happy now. When there dad says things like "women are entitled" I just ignore him, the kids don't understand, and everyone is OK

Sounds like both options are a bit shit really!
Is there any way he'd be happy for you to have the kids full-time, or at least most of it..? Sounds like he's a shit dad anyway so maybe he wouldn't mind..

God, leave him! What a waste of a life. And you're also inadvertently condoning his behaviour by exposingvthem and not saying anything to refute it

Start planning. Stash cash. See if you can persuade your parents to ask for the money back and remortgage, anything you can think of ....