Hi So we have been friends for about 8 years now. We call each other soul sisters. We have shared all our thoughts and everything over the years. About 4 years ago she moved away but we text multiple times a day and are always in touch. She has been to visit us while visiting nearby family a few times and us to her.
The issue i am having now is that she has been going through a shitty time with her husband and they have split. I went through a divorce the year after they moved away so i have been where she is more or less. Been trying to help her by telling her the pit falls etc of what to look out for and how to protect herself etc.
Anyway - i disagree 100% with how she has involved her kids in the issues between her and the ex. She has told them the financials, the emotional, the struggles - everything.
But when she has something positive to tell them that will allay their worries (due to knowing the ins and outs) she doesnt really bother. Her eldest is now obviously really struggling emotionally with it all cos she has basically told him nearly all the nitty gritty. I am sure the little 2 are too but she mentions them less.
Everything is doom and gloom. she Refuses to see any positives in anything. She only tells me the negative crap going on but none of the nice stuff (posts that on facebook though).
She hardly asks about my stuff or how we are or if i do tell her stuff she doesnt ask questions or seem interested.
When i went through my divorce and a load of other horrific stuff all at the ame time i made a point of still being there for her. Of talking to her about her stuff of sending her gifts when she was having a bad day etc etc.
She has never seemed very appreciative of the gifts i have sent her over the years. - to the point of me even having to ask if she received them in the post!
I didnt get even an xmas card or birthday card from her this year.
In january when it all started kicking off with the ex she texted me at 10 pm telling me to send her money cos she was walking out with the kids. She then drove them around for hours and eventually stopped in a hotel for a few nights.
She has now just booked them a holiday for half term - - after telling me a few weeks ago she couldn't afford to put food on the table or replace her kids trainers.
I am confused!
over the years she has gone on and on about money and how little they have etc but then tells me about takeaways etc.
Years ago she asked me to lend her £9000 to pay off her credit card bill. I did and she said when she could she would start to pay me back. I asked her a few months later if me paying it off had helped her month to month (she was paying £300 a month on it). She said no not really.
about 2 years ago i wrote off the loan and told her she didnt have to pay it back. I just got a 'Thanks, i didnt mean you to do that.'
Last year i gave her £2000 as she was trying to pay for their wedding and she was working 2 jobs and night shifts etc - i said if i give you this will it help enough for you to stop the night shifts as i know you struggle with them.
She took the money and now i find out she is still in debit from the wedding and spend some on other stuff too.
I am just confused and our values and way of doing things seem so out of whack now. I am exhausted by the way she is behaving. I feel she doesnt put effort into me and the relationship anymore.
She has dragged these kids into something that is now damaging them and she is doing things that are showing me a different side to her that i dont like.
What do you make of this???
Thanks