So this will be long but I’m looking for advice.😣I have been together with my partner for 4 years. For 6 months of the relationship(we were living together), he did not tell me he had a 3 year old son, yet I found out through Facebook. However that’s all in the past and has been forgiven. The child’s mother decided she doesn’t want to have anything to do with the child, so my partner and his parents took care of him.
In 2019, the child moved in with us however he did not like it in the UK so my partner left with him back to his home country and I stayed here to finish my university degree. Few months later I decided to join them in their country. It was difficult for me due to language barriers, however I managed to find a lovely English speaking job and loved my time there. When I joined them, I found out he had been speaking (flirting) with girls on Facebook and asking to meet up. When confronted, “I had a beer and I was bored”. Ok…
Before to join him in his country, I was told that I will not be expected to replace the child’s mother, but instead to help him raise the child to my best ability… these expectations changed fast. I was not doing a good enough job: I didn’t interact with the child enough (according to him) even though I stayed with him when he worked, I didn’t call the child when he was with grandparents home (child didn’t speak English).
Soon financial problems started (after my savings finished and forgot to mention that during the 5 months he was gone I had sent him over £3000).
Fast forward to 2021, I fell pregnant. He was horrible to me during my pregnancy. Continuing to flirt with girls on FB, going out late and speaking on the phone to particular women, calling me a retard, stupid and that it’s my fault that I make him angry. Therefore, most of my pregnancy Ilocked myself in the toilet to cry about my feelings which no one understood. Late in my pregnancy I decided to return to the UK as I did not feel comfortable there to have my baby. I came here and my family members helped me find a nice house to rent. I had forgiven my partner and he joined me too. I had my baby boy January 2022 💙.
His child is still in his home country but will join us in the next few months. Currently, I am a stay at home mom and he works full time. As the title says… as most of you know it is hard with a baby, I have a clingy baby who wants to stay in my arms and I don’t mind. However, my partner has become very upset that either; there is no cooked food, I don’t prepare his lunch for work and so he is starving all day and that I’m unorganised. I must mention that when he does come from work he doesn’t take the baby so it’s me with the baby 24/7. He only stays with him when I go food shopping (that’s my only “me time”). I try my best to keep the house tidy and cook whenever I can. Now that the tables have turned and he is the sole money earner, he tells me not to spend money on this and that (money wasn’t a problem when I was sending to him £100s every week few years ago). He has also mentioned that I should start looking for part time work. However I am unsure if he would be able to manage being with the baby more than 1h. He complained about the lack of homemade lunch for him today again, I said that there are plenty of men who come home from work and make dinner /food for tomorrow. Yet it still turns out to be my fault because I don’t have a routine for the baby’s naps. Soon his son will join too and I can’t imagine under how much pressure I will be. I know how toxic this relationship sounds from the very beginning but here I am. So, am I being unreasonable to expect a man who works to also do some simple things like cooking? How could I approach this problem? Sorry for this extensive post but I have never told to anyone about my relationship and felt like I needed to vent after 4 years