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Original poster

Partner of 1 year - what’s normal? (With kids)

8 replies

lemonrose · 20/05/2022 19:56

Partner and I both separated from previous marriages, not divorced, 1 child each (aged 9 and 7). We have met each other’s kids a few times only. Things are going well but I feel we want different things. Looking ahead neither of us want to move in together as kids settled in their local areas, but both committed. However, I want to spend time together, have meals together, talk every day. He’d be happy to just spend 2 nights a week together when we are child free. I still feel single and lonely a lot of the time. Is this just the way it is when you have children and a long term relationship without moving in? Or is this a question of just different relationship preferences?

OP posts:
totallyoutnumbered · 20/05/2022 20:15

lemonrose · 20/05/2022 19:56

Partner and I both separated from previous marriages, not divorced, 1 child each (aged 9 and 7). We have met each other’s kids a few times only. Things are going well but I feel we want different things. Looking ahead neither of us want to move in together as kids settled in their local areas, but both committed. However, I want to spend time together, have meals together, talk every day. He’d be happy to just spend 2 nights a week together when we are child free. I still feel single and lonely a lot of the time. Is this just the way it is when you have children and a long term relationship without moving in? Or is this a question of just different relationship preferences?

I think it's each to their own OP. We're in similar circumstances. DP has his 50:50 and is with me and my kids when he doesn't have his but he does do his own activities so he's sometimes not over until the kids are just going to bed. I have mine the lion's share but go to him when I don't have mine. We usually get one totally child free night every 2 weeks. We'll live together at some point but the dynamic works right now so I'm in no rush to change it. Our kids have a sleepover all together maybe once every 8 weeks or so and a larger family get together every few weeks as his mum and my mum get in so well. We could save money by pooling together but I'm reluctant as my kids are really settled and content where they are and vice versa. Have you talked to him about it?x

ThisMustBeMyDream · 20/05/2022 20:19

No it isn't. If you don't want it to be. Your wants and needs are important too. Life is too short to put up with less than you want.

Fireflygal · 20/05/2022 20:21

At a year I think, with children, you are still in dating mode do 2-3 a week seems fine.

You mention loneliness, how long have you been separated? Just wonder if you had the space between marriage and new boyfriend to adjust as you might be expecting the same from a marriage which isn't going to be the same with a new relationship.

I think you have the idea setup, free time, time with your child, time with friends/hobbies, time with boyfriend. Th

Ragwort · 20/05/2022 20:29

I think it just sounds like different relationship expectations... seeing each other twice a week sounds fine to me ... surely you are busy with your own DC, seeing friends, hobbies, wider family commitments, volunteering, etc
... plus boring stuff like housework, home admin etc .. don't you enjoy a quiet night on your own with a book or watching a film?

Original poster
lemonrose · 20/05/2022 21:02

I come to this conclusion daily! Then change my mind. There’s a lot that’s good, I’m confused 😩

OP posts:
Original poster
lemonrose · 20/05/2022 21:03

Oh that was meant to be in response to @ThisMustBeMyDream

OP posts:
Original poster
lemonrose · 20/05/2022 21:04

totallyoutnumbered · 20/05/2022 20:15

I think it's each to their own OP. We're in similar circumstances. DP has his 50:50 and is with me and my kids when he doesn't have his but he does do his own activities so he's sometimes not over until the kids are just going to bed. I have mine the lion's share but go to him when I don't have mine. We usually get one totally child free night every 2 weeks. We'll live together at some point but the dynamic works right now so I'm in no rush to change it. Our kids have a sleepover all together maybe once every 8 weeks or so and a larger family get together every few weeks as his mum and my mum get in so well. We could save money by pooling together but I'm reluctant as my kids are really settled and content where they are and vice versa. Have you talked to him about it?x

Show quote history

Kinda jealous of this set up.. thanks for replying x

OP posts:
Original poster
lemonrose · 20/05/2022 21:06

Fireflygal · 20/05/2022 20:21

At a year I think, with children, you are still in dating mode do 2-3 a week seems fine.

You mention loneliness, how long have you been separated? Just wonder if you had the space between marriage and new boyfriend to adjust as you might be expecting the same from a marriage which isn't going to be the same with a new relationship.

I think you have the idea setup, free time, time with your child, time with friends/hobbies, time with boyfriend. Th

We’ve been separated for 5 years but I did date someone else for 2 years (who never met my kids but did keep in touch more)

i get it, I think I’d feel this was the perfect set up. I think something is making me feel it’s not enough.

OP posts:
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