How can I make life a bit better

[Shinyseas]

I’m 51, a single parent to an 11yr old boy and work full time. Life is pretty exhausting but generally okay, as in financially we manage, nothing luxurious but we do stuff, have the odd trip etc.

I’m not sure what I’m asking really but life just feels a bit lonely and hard, and I’d like to improve it. We moved to a new city six years ago knowing no-one, and I worked hard to make friends, so now I have a small social circle. I’m nobody’s bestie though, and I’m aware I’m just not really needed. I don’t feel part of anything.

I think I’d really like to meet someone but after a couple of years on and off online dating, I’m losing the energy. I’ve met some nice enough blokes, but noone I really click with. I did have a lovely relationship with one man who I’m still platonic friends with - this gives me hope, as it ‘proves’ I can fall for someone! - but nothing has developed, in over two years. I’m craving a connection with someone tbh.

How do I shake things up a bit, or just make life a bit nicer/warmer for myself?

I wish I knew as I need to do it too!

Hopeful bump for both me and ImJustMadAbiutSaffron!

Could you travel without DS just for a long weekend? There’s lots of singles trips too with other women or men.

You sound to me like you’re doing an amazing job of carving out a nice life for yourself.
I’m a similar age but my kids are older. I’m really focused on my wellbeing. For me that means regular exercise, yoga for stress relief, bonding activities. with the DC and hobbies to enrich my life. Yes a relationship would be nice but there’s no guarantee so I’d rather focus on creating a good life for me

Everyone feels lonely at times. Volunteering can be a great way to feel part of something.

I also think it’s important to have a range of hobbies, some you can do at home, some you do on your own and also group hobbies.

What about making a list of things you’d like to try. Then work your way through it.

Thanks for the replies. Khdsa, yes I could probably arrange that and might enjoy it - do you know any groups or ways I could start? I’ve seen some trips on FB but they’ve all been pretty intrepid - fell running or wild camping in Scotland carrying all your kit - I’m not mega fit so I probably wouldn’t fit into one of those!

Rainbowqueen, that’s a very healthy attitude to take. I identify with that, I hate the idea of sitting around waiting for someone when it may never happen, I really want to enjoy my own life. The problem is, I just don’t, a lot of the time. I struggle with hobbies as I don’t really know what I like - and I lose motivation quite easily I think. i go through phases of self care but then lose track and think l ‘oh sod it what’s the point’. I admire people who set a goal and stick to it. Workwise I can do it, or getting through a crisis, yes I’m great at it, but steady, ongoing looking after myself I’m shit at 😕

Have you got a dog? When I was a bit lost and lonely I found my dog kept me centred - I felt adored by her, and that never failed to bring me joy.

Keep doing what you’re doing OP, I think you’re getting there!