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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling very hurt but maybe too sensitive?

2 replies

Tishj · 20/05/2022 15:05

We had a scan a while back and were told things were ok but we needed to come back a week later to ‘double check.’ The staff were vague but were clear that they couldn’t comment yet but needed to see me again.

I left hospital feeling very anxious. DP was there when they made the appointment for the following week. Obviously during that week I had mentioned to DP that I had been anxious and he knew when the appointment was. Two days before he made a comment about something happening at work on the day of the scan…I reminded him and he just stood there shaking his head saying he would have see what he could do.

I was very upset and that night he said he would try and sort it the next day. The next day he eventually called me at 5pm to say he had sorted it but he had to be back at work by x time. This was the night before.

On the day of the scan he wanted to nip into work beforehand, which didn’t make us late so was ok, but caused additional stress as we joined extra traffic because of the delay.

I know I need to get over it all but I’m just still so miffed he had that attitude.

OP posts:
Songlyrics · 20/05/2022 15:36

I'm sorry to hear there were concerns over you scan. Hope things are all OK.

I completely understand why you're hurt, but your DP may have been very anxious too, and work may have been grounding for him?

When I had a MC, DH and I came back from hospital after it happened. I was very upset and quite shell-shocked. DH didn't say much. Just went to the study, logged in and started working from home. He spent the whole day working. Then he started fretting about a visit we had planned to see his parents. I said I didn't feel like going (no one had known I was pregnant) but he became fixated on the visit and said he felt we had to go and that I had to be there; he couldn't go without me, and that it would be rude to cancel.

When I look back on it, I often think he was unfeeling and inconsiderate, but that's coming from the woman who was anxious and stressed about a pregnancy. It's not coming from the viewpoint of a partner who acknowledges that it is difficult for the man also and everyone has their own way of coping.

If your DP isn't usually preoccupied and inattentive to your feelings, try to put it out of your mind and move forward.

Holidayroundthecorner · 20/05/2022 15:38

Sounds like he was worried too and being disengaged from the situation was his way of coping. Remind him being a parent is a team thing and it starts even before a pregnancy...
Talk op. Then talk some more. Keeping quiet is deadly when you are worried. Hope things are well..

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