Why do I keep pushing DH away?

[whispywhisp]

Been married for 14yrs, been with him for almost 18yrs. Two children one of which has been quite ill. I'm permanently tired. He's always working and as a result shattered too. I'm really fed up. I've not been able to work because I've had dd1 at home/hosp/drs appts. DD2 is at nursery some of the week. We're always short of money. He doesn't understand why I'm so miserable. I feel like I've lost all my independence and I'm a full-time Mum/Nurse/Cook/Cleaner etc etc. I know he'd love a cuddle but I just keep walking away. I push him away in bed. Why am I like this? I hate myself for being so cold towards him but I just can't see myself being any different.

Sympathy for you I can say, I know exactly how you are feeling... I've been much the same since the DCs were small. I love DH very very much, but it's like we are siblings sometimes rather than married.

No suggestions for you... sorry. I will keep checking this thread as it's a subject very close to my heart.

Hi themoon & thanks. x

I wonder if its because the kids take up so much of my time & I never get a break from them and I resent dh for me being in this permament situation. He has a really good job and works very hard.

I get envious when he leaves for work in the morning and I'm stood there, in pj's, hoover in one hand, dish cloth in the other and two kids needing my time and attention to get them out the door for school/nursery.

I don't have a job and wish I could go back 10yrs and go back to my well paid job that I absolutely loved doing. I've lost all confidence at going out there and getting a job. I've applied for part-time work in the past and bottled out at the last minute - ie the interview.

I know dh really does feel very sorry for me and he will stand there and listen for hours whilst I ramble on. He's always been a listener which is a great help in itself.

He'll come up to me for a cuddle or reassuring hug and I just push him away. I hate myself for doing it. It upsets him. We were always a couple for cuddling and telling each other we love each other - nowadays I see life easier when he is at work or even away - the pressure is off then I guess.

Oh I don't know. I'm rambling and not getting anywhere. I'm just really fed up and just wish I could snap out of it.

ww, i think you've lost yourself in being a mum, slave, cook etc. and you feel resentful that he's still the person he was, relatively unscathed by family life.

i think you need to start doing things for yourself: something you're interested in. start with small steps towards getting that job. but you have to DO something in order to get yourself out of this rut.

Yes I do feel resentful that he is still able to get up and go out to work and I can't. DD1 has been off school since the end of October and I've been stuck indoors ever since. She's been very ill and collapsed at one point so its all been a very worrying stressful time.

Maybe everything is catching up with me. I've forgotten what a normal day is like. I just get by and I hate feeling like this.

I miss the 'get up and go' feeling I used to have. I don't have any get up and go anymore. Wherever I go I seem to have the kids with me. I love both my dds but I just crave some time on my own. I never thought all those years ago (dd1 is 9) that by having children meant you had to give up virtually everything.

whispy - do you have friends you can go out with? Go out for dinner, for drinks, go on a shopping trip and for lunch, go for a treatment etc? It sounds as though you need to get out there - have a reason to get 'dressed up' and be somewhere, talk to different people.

Hi elphaba.

Yes I do have friends but we're all so busy with our individual family lives we don't seem to get the chance to all go out. And tbh I don't have the spare cash to go out for a meal/drink/shopping trip.

I've been talking to dh this afternoon. He can see how low I am at the moment. He does try to understand how I feel. He has his own problems/commitments etc with his job and I don't like to burden him with the way I feel too much.

I do feel sometimes that I am depressed and do need some professional help but I haven't got the bottle to go and ask for it. I asked my GP a couple of years ago for some medical help because I was really depressed after my Father died suddenly but I was told I could cope. I've never felt able to ask again. I just wish I could be the happy, cheerful, smiley person that I once was, that's all.