Splitting up. Please help me I don't know what I do now.

[chocoholic]

Please can someone help me. After 8 rocky years I told DP this morning that I just don't want to be with him anymore & he agreed.

I just don't know what to do now. I'm a SAHM with a 2 year old DS and no income. I don't know what happens. DP has split up before and has said he knows more about what to do but I want some other advice. We jointly own a house (but no equity in it) but he currently pays all the bill etc.

I don't know what happens.

Anyone?

sorry you are going through this i'm not in same sit but could be and i'm panicking also

first you need to contact job centre and enquire for income support and family tax credits and council tax and housing benifit will also be looked into

just remember nothing stays the same and if this is right for you then all will come together but give yourself time

i also am sahm with 2.7 yr old and i am afraid to be on my own due to less money and just to be alone but if it feels right then i will do it

good luck as for house if you went citizens advise due to you having child you get main right to be in house and as he has income he has means to find somewhere else

i am sorry to hear this

get to a CAB on Monday (some may be open today) and they will be able to help

a Solictior may also give you some free advice - try to look for a Law Centre

Best advice, which you probably know, is to get yourself down to CAB or a free half hour session with a solicitor.

This might also help.

Good luck. It is sad when relationships come to an end but if you both agree that it is for the best, then it might make things a lot easier.

Plus try and find a friend to help you polish off a bottle of wine, or two, and have a good moan. Can help just to talk about things with someone else.

Hope you are ok

Message withdrawn

Choc, well done for taking a very brave step and being true to yourself {{{hugs}}}
I think citizens advice would be a good place to start, although with you having children, I think the common law wife thing now applies to you, citizens will confirm this though. So I think you get the option on staying in the house till kids are 18 or you could decided between you to sell house and get alternate accomodation. I guess its upto you where to go from here.

I think the important thing to do is keep talking with your ex though and remember to be civil for the kids sake, as your actions towards each other will shape him.

Thanks everyone. I just can't take it all in. I know it needs to happen but I just can't get my head round it at all.

I'm just so upset. I never wanted to have a son on my own but we just can't make it work.

I don't think I can stay in the house as I will never be able to pay for the upkeep.

I think you are right. Go and find someone to let me blub on their shoulder and then go to the CAB on Monday.

First I think I need to go and have a good sob though

big hugs to you honey it is so painful and i do fully understand what your going through

good luck and things can only get better from here

Thnks Bubbla. Have stopped sobbing for now and am trying to think a bit more clearly.

I was going to take DS round to a friends house but I think I had better stay in so that when DP (should that be P?) gets back we can have a chat. Not sure I want to speak to anyone else in RL about it yet until myself and DP have spoken properly.

no thats right i tend to not talk too much as things can be said in heat of moment and when both talking thongs through the out come can be so different really hope you do what is best for you

as if you are happy ds is happy and young enough to accept anything too,

good luck and keep your chin up no one said relationships were easy mines floating along and hoping all will get better if not were in same situation

only so many times you can go over old ground and then try and make it work and before you know it your back there agin and no ones happy xx

Sorry to hear of how you feel. I split mutually with my ds's dad too but I left our house, he moved back in. Was a bit of a fiasco and I did get conflicting advice at the time so am hesitant to say anything concrete.

Go over to the lone parents board and have a good posting session, you'll get lots of advice (although it does tend to be a bit slower of late).

Thanks Scruffy.
Still waiting for DP to get back in for a chat.

I've been thinking about things and do you know I think I'm most upset about the fact that I will lose the way of life I have now. I like living where we live, I like the friends I have round here & the routine I have. I love being a SAHM to my little boy and am just in the process of registering as a childminder. At the moment it is much less about not having DP around. (or is that just a gut reaction)

Thinking it through, we don't often go out as a couple. If we are invited anywhere I assume I will go on my own. He has 2 boys who we have on alternate weekends but apparently I don't actually look after them, just share my home with them.

Sorry, probably waffling but obviously need to get something off my chest.

Am feeling much calmer so thank you for letting me ramble.

It is awful at first and you may well have to do things you dont like. Its good to look to the future and how you are going to support yourself and ds but do realise also that you are going to need time to heal.

When I split with my ds's dad it was ok in a sense because I already had my job and so things could be normal (ish) on the surface. Dont underestimate what a huge shock it is to the system though. We agreed to separate as it wasn't working out, still both loved each other. I dont think, at the time, I would have been ready for any more challenges.

Dont try to take on too much, and ramble away as much as you like