AIBU?! Please feel free to be brutally honest!

[Chickanro]

Im a few months pregnant and we are currently having work done to the house, in preparation to sell and move into a rental soon for DP’s job. All fine, however, I’ve been struggling with the dust etc when working from home and even sleeping. The house isn’t huge and it’s unavoidable. It’s not DP’s fault!

However, I’ve explained that over the next few weeks I would like to stay in a family holiday home which is an hour and 10 mins away/49 miles, but means it will be clean and fresh and comfortable, no noise in the day etc and no dust at night. I’ve said to DP that I would obviously miss him and would appreciate him coming over mid week so we can spend time together, as well as at weekends.

He initially said this would be difficult with work 🤨 he does work late to be fair, often until 7/8pm but also there are days when it can be 5 or 6. I said to bridge this gap over the next few weeks he should book some holiday here and there - he has more than enough to take - and also said we should take a couple of weeks off in summer anyway to spend some quality time.

He’s basically made me feel terrible for suggesting this. Seems annoyed I’ve asked him to be there once or twice in the week, still hasn’t bothered to book annual leave and I’m now feeling I’m in limbo as to what to do. We have no living room free due to the work so each evening we are confined to the bedroom area and it’s just becoming stifling. AIBU to make a fuss here and tell him he needs to step it up for a few weeks and get organised?

Leave him at home and enjoy the peace.

I could do that but at this point in pregnancy I would rather not be alone all week and the purpose of relocating there temporarily would be to have some space from all the work going on, hence moving the majority of my stuff there and being based there for a couple of months.

Tbh from the sounds of it, he quite likes the idea of staying home.

I wouldn’t want to be driving an hour away after work twice a week. I get that the dust bothers you but I think you either go to the holiday home and see your husband at weekends or suck it up and wait for it to pass. How long the building works go on for?

@gamerchick he doesn’t like living here either but he finds any sort of logistical organisation stressful so asking him to book days off/travel mid week sends him into panic mode. I just don’t think I can cope with another week like this.

@Motheranddaughtertotwo 2 months.

once mid week would have been fine like a Tuesday or Wednesday night.

Would just move to the nice place whether or not he can be arsed to visit you

@Loopytiles just worried about the impact on the relationship

No one can 'make you' feel anything, you're not terrible for suggesting it but you are unreasonable for assuming that he can or wants to just drop everything to drive back and forth a day here and a day there.
Perhaps he doesnt want to use up his annual leave for this either

Im not sure what the solution is, having work done in the house is very difficult, the dust gets everywhere and like you say when rooms are unusuable its very difficult.

If you’re wfh, I would have thought it was easier for you to come home one night during the week. It’s certainly not something I would expect your DP to be booking annual leave for. Presumably he’ll want to keep the leave for moving house or when the baby arrives. I understand that you are pregnant, but you do sound a bit precious.

I probably am being a bit precious. I could definitely come over or meet him for dinner in the eve in the week. Perhaps that is more realistic and fair.

YABU. With a baby on the way he needs to save his leave for that. You may need extra help right at the end of pregnancy and after the baby's born.

If you want to stay elsewhere do; just don'ty expect him to dance attendance on your whim.

I def wouldn't want him to take annual leave - save that for when the baby's here!

Maybe you could take it in turns to drive over? Alternate weeks?

Go and stay in the holiday home. Meet up for dinner halfway in the week and he come and stay at the weekend.

Don't make it into a drama because it really doesn't need to be. Take the heat out

You’re having a baby together. Surely a few days apart isn’t going to cause any sort of problematic ructions?

How pregnant are you?

This.

Meet him half way for a meal one night a week. It’s not worth getting in a tiz about.

Op you've said you are a few months pregnant but then said later that at this point in your pregancy you'd rather not be alone which makes it seem like birth is imminent. You've also said you want to stay in the holiday home for over the next couple of weeks. I'm not being picky it's just that I think how pregnant you are and how long you are expecting this arrangement to last is all relevant. If you are 3 months pregnant and it's only for 2 weeks till the work is done surely you can take in turns to drive midweek. If you are only 3 months pregnant but expect this arrangement to carry on till your due date then you are probably being a but unreasonable. If you are due in the next month it seems a bit strange to move an hour away on your own, whats the plan if you go into labour?

How bad is the work being done on your house? We had a new kitchen fitted and a ceiling collapsed the week I was due and I survived.

I agree with this.

We had to pull a ceiling down whilst I was in the early stages of my first pregnancy (with hyperemesis) so I totally sympathise with the situation. It was fairly awful. I probably would have done nothing it took to improve the situation for myself tbh.

A bit of space can be good for a relationship - make your mid week and weekend meet ups extra special so you both look forward to seeing each other.

I could do that but at this point in pregnancy I would rather not be alone all week

At a few months pregnant? agree with PP, he should save his holiday entitlement for when the baby comes, plus this is something you decided to do.

If you’re the one choosing to leave the home then it should be you doing the travelling.

It’s not fair on him if he’s finishing late and then having an hours drive to see you for a few hours and then having an hours drive back in the morning.

I think it’s unnecessary for him to take any holiday when you’re about to have a baby and that time can be used at a different date.

Yes you are the pregnant one but this is all about what you want and you haven’t really considered him at all.

You're doing a lot of organising on behalf of you both. I think you need to accept DP has a say too.

So I presume you've both decided to renovate?
Then you've decided you don't like the dust and noise.
You've decided you want to move out.
You've decided you want to move over an hour away.
You've decided he should travel to see you in the week and weekends.
You've decided he should take leave.
I personally think you're being a bit precious. If you want to move out - that's fine, your decision but you can't expect him to want to travel over an hour to see you in the few nights he finishes early.
If you move out - I think it should be you that travels to sees him.