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Original poster

Red flag...

12 replies

BeautifulBass · 19/05/2022 18:33

I often see someone telling you they're lucky to have you and that they've never met anyone like you/had a connection like they have with you described as a red flag on here.

But what about when it's the truth?

I've been with my boyfriend for about a year and I quite honestly never thought I'd have this sort of relationship with anyone!

I do feel lucky to have found him amd, although he's not perfect and I'm well aware of his imperfections, none of them are important to me. He is everything I'd ever hoped for in a partner.

How can that be a red flag? How can telling him be a red flag?

Surely people marry because they've found someone perfect for them and have never had a relationship quite like that before or have felt that way about someone else?

OP posts:
Didimum · 19/05/2022 18:43

It can be either a red flag for love bombing or red flag for naivety. It’s not a bad thing to have those feelings, by any means, but it can signal a lack of maturity in understanding long-term relationships, simply because it’s easy to feel that way in the first flush of a new relationship before you’ve built a more solid relationship beyond that.

fluffycereal · 19/05/2022 18:52

A red flag is just that, a flag, a warning. It doesn’t mean every person saying they feel this way is going to be lying, it means exercise caution. In your case it’s genuine so the flag gets lowered.

flag = warning

Opentooffers · 19/05/2022 18:53

It's when you say it that is key. If it's based on knowledge gained over a reasonable time frame fine, if it's early on they are at best deluded or just lieing for their own gains.

Original poster
BeautifulBass · 19/05/2022 18:55

That's fair enough.

In my case it's not about a first flush of a relationship, I genuinely haven't ever met anyone who behaves with me as he does.

There was a problem the other week (he got something put to use it and discovered it was broken), I felt my anxiety rise and was waiting for the blow up and he just said, "well that's a bit annoying. I'll have to get a new one." I've never seen a man react like that before.

He's kind, loyal, thoughtful, considerate... I have a couple of dietary requirements and I'm autistic. When I told him, he researched both to help him meet my needs.

I'm far too old to be giddy with love but I am also experienced enough to recognise that, whatever the future holds, I've never got to this stage of a relationship before and that is because I've never met anyone like him before.

OP posts:
Original poster
BeautifulBass · 19/05/2022 18:57

fluffycereal · 19/05/2022 18:52

A red flag is just that, a flag, a warning. It doesn’t mean every person saying they feel this way is going to be lying, it means exercise caution. In your case it’s genuine so the flag gets lowered.

flag = warning

Oh that makes more sense. Thank you

OP posts:
BreakinbadBreakineven · 19/05/2022 19:13

My ex used to say this about me/us. He had only had one short term relationship before meeting me at age 29 and I agree with PP that it can be naivety. He told me he loved me after 2 weeks and I was flattered and thought he was just really really into me, he seemed genuine. He quickly became abusive and seemed constantly disappointed that I wasn't the woman he thought I was/that he wanted me to be. I don't think this is always a red flag and of course its possible to truly feel that way about a partner but I for one will be very fucking wary of anyone in future who is all in so quickly. If someone said this to me after several months of dating I would think it was a nice thing to say.

Overthewine · 19/05/2022 23:15

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Manova14 · 19/05/2022 23:39

"There was a problem the other week (he got something put to use it and discovered it was broken), I felt my anxiety rise and was waiting for the blow up and he just said, "well that's a bit annoying. I'll have to get a new one." I've never seen a man react like that before."

It sounds as if you've been around some explosively angry men and you feel somehow responsible for your anger?
It's great that he's not, but dear OP it's important for you to know that his reaction wasn't something special or unusual, it is normal behaviour!
I guess what I'm saying is, appreciate his behaviour and enjoy feeling safe, but don't put him on a pedestal for something that should be the norm in a relationship.

And agree with previous - the way you're feeling might be a red flag 2 weeks in, but over time it might indicate that you're in a healthy loving relationship.

Manova14 · 19/05/2022 23:39

Sorry - "their anger"

Natty13 · 19/05/2022 23:45

"I've never seen a man react like that before."

Is a red flag for naivety. You have either not been around many men or solely been around dickheads. In my experience women like that come across a decent man and ignore/don't see other red flags because they are so used to horrible behaviour.

Not saying that's what happening here at all. Loads of people do find lovely partners and live happily but the purpose of your post was to garner opinions ans that is mine.

Original poster
BeautifulBass · 20/05/2022 00:10

Thanks.

I'm approaching 50 so it's a pretty poor show that I've had such shit relationship experiences.

We've been together for around a year but I'd been friends with him for 4 years before that. I know him well.

I will take on board the ignoring other red flags part but, so far, I haven't seen anything. There's nothing that plays on my mind and no little niggles at all. It's just really easy.

I haven't said it to him.and he hasn't said it to me. We've both just said we're really happy and it's really easy but if I'm honest with myself, he iis nicer and better for me than anyone I've known before. I just wondered about the red flag thing because I've seen it so often but surely everyone who settles down with someone only does so because it's the best relationship etc. Otherwise, what's the point?

OP posts:
Original poster
BeautifulBass · 20/05/2022 00:12

Manova14 · 19/05/2022 23:39

"There was a problem the other week (he got something put to use it and discovered it was broken), I felt my anxiety rise and was waiting for the blow up and he just said, "well that's a bit annoying. I'll have to get a new one." I've never seen a man react like that before."

It sounds as if you've been around some explosively angry men and you feel somehow responsible for your anger?
It's great that he's not, but dear OP it's important for you to know that his reaction wasn't something special or unusual, it is normal behaviour!
I guess what I'm saying is, appreciate his behaviour and enjoy feeling safe, but don't put him on a pedestal for something that should be the norm in a relationship.

And agree with previous - the way you're feeling might be a red flag 2 weeks in, but over time it might indicate that you're in a healthy loving relationship.

I haven't felt responsible for their anger but I've certainly not enjoyed being around it.

OP posts:
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