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Original poster

I’ve had about enough of one of my colleagues

31 replies

Snowflakewater · 19/05/2022 17:54

This particular person has made non stop comments recently and I’m one Step away from biting back but I know it would create so much tension.

im in my early 20s and said colleage is probably 50 odd.

Whether they thinks they have got that relationship to make stupid jokes I don’t know.

They jested about my previous school having crap facilities but it was a private school and I know it full well did not have bad facilities.

Then today I had some heels on and we have wood floors in thr corridor and twice they said “oooh clunky shoes hey” then second time to another colleague I overheard “clunky shoes”

It’s like she’s so consumed with jelousy and I know it is at this point.

I’ve come to the point I just point blank ignore her.
I actually don’t even say hello.

how do I deal with this

OP posts:
zafferana · 19/05/2022 17:57

I think I'd follow Michelle Obama's advice, if I were you @Snowflakewater i.e. 'When they go low, we go high', in other words, just rise above it. Don't be rude, just be polite and professional, but don't engage. You don't want to jeopardise your career progression because of the irritating, but rather mild, snide comments of a colleague. Others will notice that she's being a bitch, but it's best not to engage.

Original poster
Snowflakewater · 19/05/2022 17:59

zafferana · 19/05/2022 17:57

I think I'd follow Michelle Obama's advice, if I were you @Snowflakewater i.e. 'When they go low, we go high', in other words, just rise above it. Don't be rude, just be polite and professional, but don't engage. You don't want to jeopardise your career progression because of the irritating, but rather mild, snide comments of a colleague. Others will notice that she's being a bitch, but it's best not to engage.

I know, it’s so hard to sometimes though. Honestly I’m very outspoken normally. In a nice way though as in I’d probably joke back but this person gets under my skin

OP posts:
layladomino · 19/05/2022 18:01

I agree with PP.

I assume there are lots more examples as the two you've mentioned aren't that big a deal. Irritiating if they commented on your shoes 3 times, but nothing more. Perhaps her sense of humour (obvious joke about a private school having crap facilities) and yours don't match.

You will always have people you don't very much like who you have to work with. Rise above it, remain professional and polite. If they are truly irritating or rude people, everyone else will see it too, so there's no benefit to you making a big deal of it.

zafferana · 19/05/2022 18:15

You don't want to be outspoken at work though OP. Seriously. You're young, at the start of your career, you have a long way to go and you need to network and take the long view. Don't let this irritating woman get under your skin and make you say or do something you'll later regret. If you show restraint and maturity and in your dealings with her, despite her attempts to provoke you, it will reflect well on you and poorly on her.

Original poster
Snowflakewater · 19/05/2022 18:22

zafferana · 19/05/2022 18:15

You don't want to be outspoken at work though OP. Seriously. You're young, at the start of your career, you have a long way to go and you need to network and take the long view. Don't let this irritating woman get under your skin and make you say or do something you'll later regret. If you show restraint and maturity and in your dealings with her, despite her attempts to provoke you, it will reflect well on you and poorly on her.

If you look above I said only if it’s in jest. As in if someone is sarcastic in a way that makes me laugh I’ll do it back when I get to know them. I don’t mean I’ll be playing silly games at work or anything.

im not rude outspoken. More just a confident speaker when needed.

i feel like she’s waiting for me to react. She constantly has very loud conversations with others giving them her 2 pence worth. Although the issue is mainly people behave like her best friend 10 minutes later.

OP posts:
Chiroptera · 19/05/2022 18:31

You sound easily riled IMO. And a smidge ageist judging by you mentioning her age, which is of no relevance.

None of your examples seem that inflammatory. Maybe a bit annoying but nothing else. She's not keen on your shoes and she has a different view of your private school. No biggie. This hardly a sustained pattern of harassment and abuse. Ignore it and learn to rise above it.

Didimum · 19/05/2022 18:35

I agree with @Chiroptera . Why would she be jealous of you? I don’t get it. Just get on with your day.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 19/05/2022 18:38

Is she attempting workplace banter? Does she make these sorts of comments to other people?

HollowTalk · 19/05/2022 18:43

I really agree with @zafferana. Calm down and don't allow yourself to get riled. You're in a professional job and if that woman can't act professionally, it doesn't mean that you have to do the same.

Original poster
Snowflakewater · 19/05/2022 18:47

Chiroptera · 19/05/2022 18:31

You sound easily riled IMO. And a smidge ageist judging by you mentioning her age, which is of no relevance.

None of your examples seem that inflammatory. Maybe a bit annoying but nothing else. She's not keen on your shoes and she has a different view of your private school. No biggie. This hardly a sustained pattern of harassment and abuse. Ignore it and learn to rise above it.

Hardly ageist, more so grow up and act your age and stop picking on people. What if people have insecurities.

on many occasions she’s said stuff and other colleagues have overheard and said it sounds mean spirited for no reason.

jelous probably because of many odd comments made

OP posts:
Veryverycalmnow · 19/05/2022 18:54

I thought similar about an ex colleague but it turned out, once I'd got to know her better, that she was a bit awkward and didn't really know how to do small talk so would attempt it and come out with something like, 'oh what a woolly skirt!' Or when someone announced their 2nd pregnancy, 'oh wow, again!?' Also comments on people's lunch with zero malice but just speaking nervously and blurring things out. She was really nice once I got to know her but on the surface lots of people can rub you up the wrong way. Her comments that you mentioned are not offensive.

HumourReplacementTherapy · 19/05/2022 18:56

There isn't anything in your op to suggest she's picking on you.
School- probably a gentle tease as they have great facilities & everyone knows it.
Shoes? It's just an observation.
You sound like you'd be better wfh Grin

GlamorousHeifer · 19/05/2022 19:12

You can tell you are the younger party in this OP.
Why exactly do you think think this woman would be jealous? Of your shoes? I'm sure she could get hold of some heels if she really wants to!
The comment about people talking to her for a few minutes and then seemingly becoming her best friend must surely mean she has something going for her, perhaps they get her jokes and it's you that has the problem.

HollowTalk · 19/05/2022 19:24

It's jealous

Original poster
Snowflakewater · 19/05/2022 19:33

HollowTalk · 19/05/2022 19:24

It's jealous

I’m dyslexic

OP posts:
Original poster
Snowflakewater · 19/05/2022 19:35

GlamorousHeifer · 19/05/2022 19:12

You can tell you are the younger party in this OP.
Why exactly do you think think this woman would be jealous? Of your shoes? I'm sure she could get hold of some heels if she really wants to!
The comment about people talking to her for a few minutes and then seemingly becoming her best friend must surely mean she has something going for her, perhaps they get her jokes and it's you that has the problem.

Oh basically there’s been something going on work wise in terms of projects. So there’s been some jibes towards me about that. Some others have picked up on it too. But of course. Better to stay quiet.

OP posts:
Original poster
Snowflakewater · 19/05/2022 19:36

HumourReplacementTherapy · 19/05/2022 18:56

There isn't anything in your op to suggest she's picking on you.
School- probably a gentle tease as they have great facilities & everyone knows it.
Shoes? It's just an observation.
You sound like you'd be better wfh Grin

It was more of a dig imho. It was “I looked there and the facilities were absolute crap. So much for a private school eh” and not “oh yeah the facilities weren’t that great there”

I always think it’s a fine line between haha and oof that’s a bit rude

OP posts:
bellac11 · 19/05/2022 19:37

It sounds like basic poor social skills and shes a bit loud. You do sound rather easily offended.

Only4You · 19/05/2022 19:39

Listen to @zafferana .

If you feel she is picking in you, I suspect you are picking up on her tone of voice and body language. Just like the other people who commented that her comments are mean spirited.

Unless she is overtly bullying you, the best is to rise above.
Don’t grumble to other colleagues. They know, they’ve already picked up on her tactics.
Ignore her comments, grey rock her and concentrate on the other people in the team.

And you really have enough, write. Pick up a sheet and write down all the reasons why she has really annoyed you today. Why she is wrong etc… Put the sheets in a drawers, in the bin, burn them, whatever. You’ll feel better for it (don’t do it at work though - in case someone ended up actually reading it!)

PonyPatter44 · 19/05/2022 19:41

I'm sure there are other things that have happened that establish context, because what you've said does sound a little bit weedy, tbh. I am one of the few people in my place who wears heels because I like the sound they make and because I am fat and walk fast, you can hear me coming from miles away! I think if it as my early warning system!

In all seriousness, keep doing what you're doing. Just ignore her if you're feeling got at. If you're allowed headphones at work, wear headphones when you're working or feeling a bit fragile.

BraveryBot9to5 · 19/05/2022 19:43

This sounds a bit ageist tbh. Not just because Im "50 odd" ...

if this woman were 23 would you laugh along, realise that she's just being kind of matey and good humoured. Be hon3st with yrslf. Is it just freaking you out that a woman twice your age is jokey and outgoing?

MrsLargeEmbodied · 19/05/2022 19:45

one of my colleagues is always and has always been rude,
just ignore
you cant change them

15223thatgirl · 19/05/2022 19:50

I disagree with the majority view here, and I can empathise with you OP. When I was your age I worked with a woman who happened to be older than I was, who made little micro comments daily. She had seniority in the work place - not necessarily in her role or job title but purely in the amount of time she'd been there, which gave her power. The comments don't sound like much when you only give two examples, but day after day it really adds up, and in my case it became full scale bullying.

My advice, and what I wish I'd done, is to calmly, but firmly assert your boundaries with her. Keep it utterly professional at all times (very important you are above reproach) and try to keep it lighthearted if you can. Next time she makes a comment reply back with something like "it's a shame you think that, I felt very lucky to be there" (school) or "yes they are aren't they, so you'll hear me coming!" (Shoes). Basically gently but firmly not letting the snidey remark slide.

If she oversteps the mark with something outright nasty then just say "don't speak to me in that way. Thank you".

Also make a note and date of comments in case it ever goes further.

Original poster
Snowflakewater · 19/05/2022 19:54

BraveryBot9to5 · 19/05/2022 19:43

This sounds a bit ageist tbh. Not just because Im "50 odd" ...

if this woman were 23 would you laugh along, realise that she's just being kind of matey and good humoured. Be hon3st with yrslf. Is it just freaking you out that a woman twice your age is jokey and outgoing?

Let me make it really really clear. I’m not ageist nor will I ever be. I’ve worked with some people double my age who had me in fits of laughter at work I used to love it and they usually gave me a lot of life lessons I still keep in my mind today. The age is there because she should know better than to belittle others based on life choices or project work being given.

So to sum up If you’re my age and a prick you better believe I still won’t like you and will still treat you with the limited levels of effort you deserve.

OP posts:
Original poster
Snowflakewater · 19/05/2022 19:58

15223thatgirl · 19/05/2022 19:50

I disagree with the majority view here, and I can empathise with you OP. When I was your age I worked with a woman who happened to be older than I was, who made little micro comments daily. She had seniority in the work place - not necessarily in her role or job title but purely in the amount of time she'd been there, which gave her power. The comments don't sound like much when you only give two examples, but day after day it really adds up, and in my case it became full scale bullying.

My advice, and what I wish I'd done, is to calmly, but firmly assert your boundaries with her. Keep it utterly professional at all times (very important you are above reproach) and try to keep it lighthearted if you can. Next time she makes a comment reply back with something like "it's a shame you think that, I felt very lucky to be there" (school) or "yes they are aren't they, so you'll hear me coming!" (Shoes). Basically gently but firmly not letting the snidey remark slide.

If she oversteps the mark with something outright nasty then just say "don't speak to me in that way. Thank you".

Also make a note and date of comments in case it ever goes further.

Hey. Thanks I actually really appreciate this. Yes this had been near enough daily and because I’m young and less experienced I feel it’s coming across in the remarks made. I couldn’t type out all of the snide comments but they did happen a fair bit or she’d just be very cut throat.

I took it for a while and then felt that because I cannot tolerate it and I would rather not be unprofessional, I decided that I would just have to ignore her and not speak to her unless we had to talk.

OP posts: