Bad relationship with parents/ parents who have died

[xxcatcatcatxx]

Not really sure I have a point to this other than to see other peoples opinions and thoughts.

I’ve never had a very good relationship with my parents and was talking to a friend a couple of days ago who one of their parents died a few years ago now.

I mentioned about my hesitation with leaving DS with my parents due to parenting techniques/ my childhood experience to which she responded essentially that I should be grateful to still have my parents and dismissed my concerns.

I understand it may have been insensitive and I probably chose the wrong audience but I do feel that the fact that a parent/ parents have died shouldn’t negate the problems which other people might have with their relatives who are still alive.

Anyway just rubbed me up the wrong way and made me feel really invalided.

Your feelings are valid, and she should realise that just because her parents aren't both alive does not mean you can't complain about yours! It was insensitive of her to invalidate you and use her loss as a reason to quash your feelings

OP, your friend is the lucky one!

No way on God's earth would I have left my DD in the care of my mother and certainly not anywhere near her vile husband.

Fortunately I went NC with them all 30 years ago.

They both died in the past 5 years. (Found out on the internet.). Felt nothing!

Call me a bad person but my DH is the only person alive who knows the real truth of what happened.

I support your thoughts all the way.
Your friend has not walked in your shoes.

Sorry meant to say your friend is lucky to have had great parents. Not because the died of course. ☹️

Hahaaa, this typo has made me feel instantly better 🥰 I did think the initial message was a bit savage but you never know💕

Sorri to hear you’ve had a pretti awful time as well, it’s just so difficult isn’t it weighing up what’s best, especially with your own children in the mix 😩 xxx

But if you think your feelings are valid, nobody can invalidate them. People can think what they like.

When I had ds and my dad came to visit, I realised at once that I would never leave ds alone with him, not for a minute. (I'm lucky, my mum was a totally different proposition). I agree that your friend is lucky to have had great parents but she is hurting right now so it's not really the thing to say. She just doesn't understand.

People can be hugely sentimental about parental relationships (witness the greeting card industry). Fine for people who enjoy good relationships with their parents but it’s not a given.