Hi. I'm never great at explaining these things and I'll try and keep it brief but basically I'm wondering whether I'm just intolerant and inflexible, making too much out of nothing or whether my partner is the 'problem' so to speak.
We've been together for 7 years, we got engaged fairly quickly (although he's since said that he didn't get engaged with the intension of getting married as such, it was more to show a deeper commitment to me).
Anyway. Its always been a fairly rocky relationship, nothing major just general running each other up the wrong way type stuff, I think. Averaged every couple of months we would have a big argument and I would default to 'let's split up' then tensions would calm and it wouldn't seem so bad and things carried on as they were.
Lately though, I'm talking about splitting up almost daily and I don't know whether I genuinely want to or just want things to change and can't see any other way out.
So. Here are the main issues....
We don't talk much. There isn't any of that "chit chat" but I work from home and he's self employed too so we're home together most of the day, so maybe thats the reason we don't have much to say to each other?
He's moody. Or, there's a general air of tension and awkwardness quite often. Whether that's me imagining there's something wrong or not I don't know, but I ask him a few times a day what's up as he suddenly looks a bit more annoyed, is more monosyllabic than normal, just giving off a 'vibe' of being stressed or annoyed for no reason I can see. His response when I asked what's up is "nothing" in an arsey sounding way, so either I carry on asking and it ends up in an argument or I roll my eyes and ignore it until it passes.
90% of the time, if I speak he doesn't answer or acknowledge what I've said. In fact, more than 90%. An example was today; we got home from the school run and I remembered that we were meant to have picked up a new door handle as the one in my son's room broke last night. I was in the room next door to my partner and said "oh, we should have got the door handle while we were out". Silence. I then walked into the kitchen where he was making breakfast and said "it needs sorting out by tonight as DS's door won't even close now". Again, he said nothing and carried on with what he was doing. I asked if he had heard me and he said yes. So then I launched into the same rant as I usually have, asking why he didn't feel the need to acknowledge what I said. He looked at me blankly and eventually when I kept asking why he hadn't answered, he said he didn't see the need as I was a few feet away from him so "you obviously know that I heard what you were saying".
He's quite a solitary person. He also has a strong daily routine and doesn't really like that to change. In the evening he will stay in our bedroom either on his phone or xbox, I either join him in there and again all evening there isn't much conversation, or I'm on my own in the living room. He may occasionally pop in but not often.
He's quite selfish. Not deliberately I don't think, it just doesn't seem to occur to him to move out of peoples way in the supermarket, or let someone go first in the queue for example if a till opens and you both arrive there at the same time, he never offers to make me a drink or anything like that. It just seems to be that he's in his own world and no one else registers.
We don't have sex very often (I can count on one hand how many times in the last 2 years) but I don't have much of a sex drive and never have, so that doesn't bother me. He says be now doesn't have a sex drive and doesn't know why.
We're also not affectionate. We don't make any physical contact at all. Not sure either of us want to. I certainly don't at the moment.
I have an autistic son so wonder whether my partner might be too, however I don't understand how he's reached the age of 56 and hasn't yet learnt that sometimes, it's polite to respond when someone makes a statement or to open a door for someone.
He does so some housework, all the driving as I don't drive myself and we do have a laugh sometimes, but these behaviours are exhausting and I've raised them with him but he always makes excuses for them rather than attempt to change.
I feel like we should split up but wonder whether any of the above can or should be worked on, and if so how...?