Was I raped ? Sexual abuse warning **graphic detail** [edited by MNHQ]

[Buzlightyear1]

Hi so I have recently been coming to terms with the fact I might have been abused . I've got the most amazing friend helping me, but I'm really struggling with the words my friend and the help line use.

One thing I have nightmares about is when he held a blanket over my face. While trying to force me to have sex with another man. This time I'm taking about it didn't work but after he was so angry. He ended up having anal sex with me which I did not want. My friend says he pimped me out, and raped me I Don't think this is right ?

He had sex with you, you didn't consent, he knew you didn't consent. That's the legal definition of rape.

You really need to get support in RL. Do you have someone professional to talk to?

I'm on a waiting list for talking therapy and I'm waiting for a call back from a domestic abuse place.

I just feel like a fruad and that I am finding it hard to use the words they use to describe this.

You don't have to use the words until you are ready. That's OK.

Thank you, I really want to move forward but the thought of saying these things out loud makes me feel sick.

If you need to, you can write something and hand it to the counsellor. Or you can sit in silence. Or whatever works.

Eventually you will be able to talk about it. And it will become easier to talk about over time.

In the meantime, MN is here. You can name change, or not.

I'm so sorry.

Can I suggest looking up your local SARC? I tried to link but it really depends on your location.

They are incredible and will listen and help you through this. You can self refer. Just call to get an appointment. They can help you find counsellors and advisors. All at your pace.

I'm so sorry you've gone through this. Be kind to yourself and thank goodness you have a friend you can talk to. Mn is also full of incredible support

Thank you i really appreciate it. I've never spoken to anyone about this, my friend has been really amazing. She has helped me with phone calls and listened to me when I've needed. Its so stressful waiting for the the first appointment, I just feel.on edge all the time.

I have a 5 year old son with my ex and I'm trying to sort contact out through a contact center. Which I'm terrified about incase he gets unsupervised visits. Hes a serious drug addict who injected infront of our son when he was a baby. But he always seams to get away with things. He mugged a lady and attacked her partner but got a suspended sentence where he got to live in a lovely house with everything paid for. He could come and go as he pleased im just so scared 😨 and sad at the situation I've put myself in

Thank you i will take a look at that. I really appreciate any help at the moment. I'm so lucky that I have this friend who has been so kind. Plus mums net is always great for support.

In general, I would urge anyone who has been subjected to abuse to report it. I have known at least eight or nine women who were assaulted, abused, even raped. Out of those nine, only one went to the police. If that's average, then SO many men are getting away with dreadful stuff. For example, one of those women had been abused by her stepbrother as a child. He's now happily married and wealthy and living in Dubai. She, meanwhile, is childless, single, and crippled with mental health problems. Again, she didn't go to the police.

It makes me so angry to think of all the men out there (and a few women) responsible for these sorts of acts. Too often it goes unreported, and they live out long happy lives, often presenting themselves as pillars of the community.

I'm so sorry about what they did to you.

But, as a survivor of similar sexual abuse, could you please make your title more descriptive? With a Trigger Warning? As I started reading your thread it's really graphic, and if I'd known I wouldn't have clicked on it... Because it's really triggering.

Again, I'm so sorry you were subjected to that horrific abuse, and I wish you well

Hi OP

We are so very sorry for what you have been through.

We've edited your title to reflect the content of the thread.

Please could we urge you to seek support with what you are going through? You can find a list of resources here.

Love and best wishes,
MNHQ

Yes, that is rape (and the former waa attempting to aid someone else to rape you).

Was he trying to "pimp" you for drugs/as a payment for drugs?

Which I'm terrified about incase he gets unsupervised visits. Hes a serious drug addict who injected infront of our son when he was a baby.

Are social services being told all this?

They need to be.

I just feel like a fruad

That is high level, criminal behaviour. You're not.

Don't let him gas light you and don't gas light yourself.

He's the scum of the earth be, no matter what front he puts on.

Thank you. I am waiting for a call from a case worker this week from a domestic abuse place. I'm very nervous to talk about this part with anyone in real life.

They said they have a service if I agree who will speak to my son. Hes not witnessed this bimut has seen his dad hit me once and be pretty horrible at contact times.

I think social services will probably get involved again as I have not ever told anyone before. I'm just scared because I hadn't told them how bad things were when I called the police on my ex to have him removed from the house. I know I need to do it but it just feels like I'm watching my world blow up in slow motion.

Of course he raped and abused you, a sad side affect of that abuse is you questioning yourself, your reality and to minimise what you went through. Part of the trauma is the denial of events even to yourself and wondering if you are victim enough for what you went through. It’s awful in so many ways and the effects can be so long lasting. Equally you can appear to cope quiet well afterwards and because your not in a heap on the floor and in a puddle of tears you wonder to yourself if it really was that bad!

IT IS THAT BAD!!!

You did not consent to anal sex!
You did not consent to being forcibly held down with your head covered by a blanket while your abuser (and make no mistake that is EXACTLY what he is) attempted to let another man rape you! Regardless of whether than man was successful or not is irrespective, you were sexually assaulted, forcibly so and raped!

I am so incredibly sorry that you went through such things, I can only imagine your distress and trauma. Just remember that no matter how your coping with it, whether your feel completely broken or not broken enough, it doesn’t change what happened to you and the fact it’s something that you went through and are going through.