When do you consider someone a step-parent?

[bathsh3ba]

Interested to hear people's views on when mum or dad's boyfriend/girlfriend becomes 'stepmum' or 'stepdad'?

Legally, I understand it's on marriage.

At my boyfriend's son's school, they consider someone to be a step-parent at the point of moving in with each other.

I suppose this makes sense because at that stage you would take on some of the day to day parenting. But at the same time, some people move in very fast, or move in with a series of people in turn, which could lead to a lot of step-parents over time, which might be confusing. Some children have a 50-50 arrangement but if you only see the child EOW are you a step-parent in the same way? If you choose to go out when your partner has the kids and don't do any care, does that exonerate you from step-parenthood?

I suppose I just think it's not as simple as living together.

Personally I don't consider myself to be a stepmum at this stage because we neither live together nor are married, so I don't really do much parenting but I'm not sure when I think the 'shift' would happen.

What do you think? Marriage/living together/a set amount of time/depends on situation?

The terms are up to you but I think if you are living together it seems a reasonable threshold. I cook and clean for dsd and she asks by advice ... seems logical to call her dsd

I don't think these days marriage is the deciding factor, not everyone marries

I'd say usually when partner moves in, however my partner doesn't live with me and my adult dd refers to him as her step dad and he calls her his step daughter.

Situations vary. My ex is married but his wife is not my ds's stepmom.

Ds goes to their house maybe three times a year and doesn't see her any other time - they live 100 miles away. DS's school have never heard of her. He's a teen so doesn't need any help when he is there and she doesn't have any involvement in his life. They get on ok but don't communicate other than on those visits.

I don’t think there really is a defined answer is there? My husband isn’t called step dad,
my son has decided to go with Papa, so Papa he is.

I don't think it's necessarily on marriage. DS's dad hasn't seen him since he was a baby, he's with us full time. DP took on day-day care and parenting of him when he moved in, DS was still primary school age. He pays towards everything for DS equally and doesn't treat him any differently than our DD. I would say he's definitely a step parent.

Probably if we get married. We've been together 3 years and live together. But I wouldn't call myself their step mum, and they wouldn't call me step mum. I do all the roles of another parent but I don't expect them to see me as a mum. I'm just nice and kind to them and look after them and they are happy so that's all that matters I guess.

I would wait to be child led. If the child thinks of them in a parental manner then step parent it is. If the child doesn't yet, or never does because they have perfectly good, if separated parents, then they are your partner.

Technically obviously it's when you get married, but realistically it depends on the situation.

For example I consider myself a step-parent. I've lived with DP and his son for 5 years and do everything a mother would do (he lives with us). He calls me by my name and I don't know how he refers to me to his friends.. it's up to him I guess. But I always say my step-son when I'm talking about him.