Aged 47 and feeling kind of a lost cause with relationships and dating

[Amberrose2022]

Hello, I have been single now since around 3.5 years and this is the longest, but I know covid didnt help etc as well as coming out of a very long term relationship too, I needed time to find me again. Since reaching my mid 40s, its definitely become harder for me personally and I think we kind of know what we want and I am willing to compromise too, if the person and I have a great connection.

I dont have children, have a lovely dog, keep myself fit, size 6/8, in good shape and I have a house, good job etc and I would like to think I look, a lot younger than my age (my friends tell me this, lol they may be polite) and being online I am approached by 50 year old men, or late 40s which is fine, but I still feel/sense they are kind of looking at the more younger generation in their late thirties/early 40s, which makes me feel kind of unsettled. I know its easier for them too. The reason I say this is they mention it a lot or looking in that direction. So as I am my forties towards 50, I can honestly say I am feeling more insecure about this.

I struggle with men with younger children and I have tried dating men with younger kids but on both occasions the meeting up was hard, they came first, which I get and understand, but I felt more single and not included and always 2nd or 3rd in line should we arrange anything..but I havent ruled this out either. I am trying to reach a compromise as I know its harder as you get older.

I also dated men in their 50s who were arrogant and had been single so long they didnt know how to treat women and very bitter towards their exes. I soon left very quickly!

So I am trying to date.... its just "harder"

So, has anyone got any good advice or dating sites which are positive stories....feeling optimistic lol!!

Thank you

Right - I'm only a few years older than you at 50.

I've noticed it does get harder the further into your 40s you get - your 'pool' of men (or women) is narrower.

I've tried OLD, tried meeting men in person (e.g. at pubs etc) and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.

Funnily enough I recently met up with some old school friends from years ago - we went to a pub where we didn't know there was a music event happening. I ended up pulling (didn't really fancy him though) a man in his I'd guess early 60s. But he seemed to want to have fun as well as asking me out for dinner.

One of my friends from there though said she'd dated a bus driver who asked her out on a bus and then another man who'd asked her out in a pub she'd had sex with and wanted to date him but he wasn't interested after the sex! I also had another man approach me when I was out (but on the street on my way to a venue) and we had a couple of dates but he really wasn't my type and we didn't click.

I do think the best thing you can do is put yourself out there, don't necessarily discount where/when/who you meet men. If someone chats to you in the street, at a cafe etc then either speak to them or don't. I've made it my challenge to chat to any man - so e.g. neighbours/friends partners, ice cream van man (very flirty!) etc but just to give me more confidence when I'm with men generally. Also men find it easier to talk to women when they're by themselves not in a pack.

Also, hate to say it, but I've found dating sites on the whole (check the dating thread though for more positive stories) are a waste of time. I can spend ages trawling through them, meeting people online but a lot seem to be timewasters though I have had relationships when a bit younger in the past from them.

Lots of nice guys on dating sites and lots of arseholes. You have to be patient and keep your standards high and you'll find someone. I became single in my late 40s and had 3 relationships through online dating and I'm still with the 3rd one. He's just amazing. I was able to be a lot choosier online than IRL.

Start chatting, get to know some guys and see if there is a connection. I also made 2 friends from the sites.

I'm 43 and am finding dating just as shit!! I about to give up all hope of meeting anyone for the long haul 😂

46 here!! Totally agree it gets harder as you get older. Many men our age and older are looking at younger women (yeah good luck) and I also struggle to find men my age attractive. My advise is to also get yourself out there as much as possible. Afternoon drinks in a beer garden, join any local group organised dog walks. OLD is a nightmare but honestly there is the odd diamond in the rough if you are prepared to be patient and thick skinned.

Count yourself lucky that you're putting good thought into it, though.

It'd be worse if you had your mind elsewhere, and not worried about it, but then not doing anything about it either, and another three years would pass with your still being single and you wouldn't even notice, then boom! you're fifty. Which would make it even harder.

The sooner you can start paying attention to things the sooner you can fix them.

I'm in a similar situation and I think dating in your 40s is very tough.
I think it must get easier in 50s/60s when children are grown up and therefore don't need to be considered in the same way.
Also at the moment I don't know many divorcees - I'm sure there will be more around in 10 years time when peoples children have flown the nest and couples can decide to separate.