Does anyone else have a df who's a sex offender & how do you cope with it?

[Bluebruin]

I feel so low about it. It's the stain that never leaves you.

So sorry you are going through this . I’m in exactly the same situation but still waiting for the trial which has been delayed again . No words can describe the horror of knowing what has happened to your child then the awful long drawn out legal process . My ex lives in the same town so i’m scared every day that i’ll see him.

Yes me, although mine committed suicide whilst out on bail to avoid jail.

I've had significant therapy over the years to help with the feelings of shame. When the people in our town found out (he was a teacher) they turned on my whole family, I was spit on, followed by media and lost nearly every friend as parents didn't want their children anywhere near our family.

It's a tough road because it's such an emotive subject. There was a thread here the other day where people were saying if you even considered spending time with a paedophile then you were scum. Don't listen to people, people are scared and too black and white.

Your feelings, whatever they are, are valid and what he did does not rub off on you by association and don't let anyone tell you differently x

I was your daughter. I wish I’d had a mum like you. X

My kids Dad moved abroad and was arrested and went to prison whilst out of the country for accessing child porn and also making videos and photos with a child he had access too .
I have since heard he went back to prison in the uk for reoffending .

I couldn’t get up for 2 days after I found out he had been arrested and then went to prison . I was numb and still to this day a number of years later I still struggle to understand who this guy is now and who he was when we were together . I deeply struggle With the fact I loved this guy and part of me always will but then I feel guilty because of what he’s done . Like he as a person is one thing and his actions are another .

I talk about him sometimes and those feelings I had for him come rushing back but then I’m reminded about what awful things he has done and I feel I question myself for not hating him like I should . I make excuses in my mind coz his whole family were very sexualised and I suspect it was learnt behaviour but then I know he did these things not his family .

I hope I never see him again because I don’t think I could cope with the anxiety of seeing him . It’s a massive chapter of my life I bury because it’s too painful. The constant thoughts in my head wondering if I ever missed clues , why didn’t I see he was like that . It can send you crazy especially after sharing a bed with him for 7 years .

Yes.

I've cut contact. He was poison. And I'm free of it.

My youngest dds father abused my eldest dd

the cunt got 7 years in prison

he tried to take me to the courts to get access to youngest dd and tried to demand his parental rights but I said he’d get contact/rights over my stone cold dead body and thankfully it got dropped-he’s never met her

(ss told me that any contact would be supervised-by them-I told them where to go and I’d break any court order I was given)

we lived in a large-ish town but when it hit the papers everyone knew who we where and we got hounded out of the area,schools and our home-eldest dd was bullied at school and we took the hate campaign in the street/at home/in our new home

people who I thought where friends would cross the road to avoid us,we had a bottle of piss thrown over us,house was egged,our property was damaged,abuse screamed at us-it went on and on-even when we moved to the other side of town

its like a stain that never leaves-it’s the bad smell that follows you around-it’s the cloud over your head-the shadow that follows you

we moved over 100 miles away and never talk about it unless it’s between ourselves-I really can’t cope with the judging

the bastard got out after serving his time and lives in the town that closest to our home town-its that close he might as well have moved in next door-in fact there’s nothing to stop him doing so now

if he tried,I’d do the time for his murder

Thank you. This thread makes me feel less alone. DF is dead now and I am glad, because I’ll never again have to worry about him near my child. But equally, there’s no one left now to hear my truth, and that strikes me as tragic, too.

no winners in this particular game.

Papers always on mumsnet and reddit scooping stories for own personal gain and finance ots disgusting

I was married to one. We have a child together who he does have contact with supervised. I'm not happy about it but had no choice as he has parental rights. I'm petrified the day I have to tell them what their dad is. I was so scared when it all came off my anxiety was at a record high. The hardest thing for me was dealing with the fall out police, ss etc while trying to be a newly single parent hold down a job, keep the house in order and of courseit's not something you can talk about with anyone.

Step father was a sex offender but never convicted.

I was made out to be a lair and slut by my own mother sadly as it was me he abused

I went Low contact then no contact and never ever left my kids alone with either of them.