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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My ex uses our son to get to me is family court the only way

5 replies

HDVB21 · 16/05/2022 23:02

I spilt up with my ex last year December it was awful relationship towards the end he was mentally draining and abusive. I have tried to arrange contact for our son loads of times and he always says I’m never having him back it becomes a nightmare. He’s hardly paid anything toward our son since he was born. I work full time pay for everything including a £500 a month nursery bill with no help from him as he said he shouldn’t pay as I earn earn more. He’s been abusive to my mum when she’s been the go between with my little one she now refuses to to do it rightly so. This weekend was another attempt and it’s like he just wants to see my son to see me and will do anything he can to make me pick him up or start a argument so i panic and stress thinking he’s not giving him back. It’s mentally draining I want my son to see his dad but I do feel that he’s only seeing him to get at me and see me. All his messages he use to send before he was blocked was about getting back together even though I have made it very clear it will never happen he then turns straight to abuse I’m a awful mother I’m the worst in the world. I honestly don’t know what to do for the best anymore do I just go down the legal route I don’t see another option as I don’t want any contact with him and if I don’t drop off the little one and pick him up he prob won’t see him. It’s like he’s using my son to control me still or try. I asked him to FaceTime my son the other weekend at tea time he ignored me and messaged back at 11pm FaceTime him now I know my son sleeps through the night and I know he just wanted to see where I was. So he just started sending me loads of abuse saying I’m not having him back next day was sorry and then off again he went with abuse.

OP posts:
DenholmElliot · 17/05/2022 08:21

Don't let your son go to him. Let your ex take you to court if he wants contact - that can start off in a contact centre if the judge thinks its appropriate, but in any case, contact will start off slow and you won't be made to see your ex yourself.

Am a bit puzzled as to why you haven't contacted CMS for child maintenance payments.

HDVB21 · 17/05/2022 12:13

I have he’s ignored them so to be honest iv just left it because it won’t be worth anything either. He claims benefits works cash in hand so won’t be worth the stress I’d rather just pay myself at this point

OP posts:
Justcallmebebes · 17/05/2022 12:47

I agree to let the CMS go if he's on benefits. There's no point. That may change in the future though if he gets a job.

Stop facilitating contact. If he really wants to see his son he'll take you to court and get proper access arrangements in place. Stop letting him have control as at the moment you're playing into his hands.

Good luck (been there!) x

Cherrysoup · 17/05/2022 18:32

Tell him he can go to court for access. He’s an idiot.

Jengnr · 17/05/2022 21:13

Don’t drop off and pick up. If he doesn’t bother that’s on him.

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