Dds friend (17)in awful relationship, can she help?

[Cleanbedlinen12]

Hello, dd has just told me her lovely friend is seeing someone who dd doesn’t think is too great.
Friend wanted to give this chap £150 so he could buy cigarettes. She was talked out of it, but still gave him £40.
chap slept with her other friend, then apologised and cried etc she cried and took him back and told him it was ok.
chap apparantly is saying he’ll now sleep with another of her friends.
obviously it’s appalling. She has no self belief at all, and tricky parents, but I see her as tall and fun and wonderful.
I told dd what I’ve learnt on here - that this is typical pattern and will get worse as he knows what she’ll put up with. Dd texted this, but friend says it’s love.
it’s not my business, but is there something I can do? Why don’t they teach this stuff at school ffs.

How old is this boyfriend? DD's friend sounds very naive and possibly vulnerable. I would try to speak with the school if the parents are not likely to be receptive. I could not stand back and do nothing.

Though, are you sure what your DD is saying is true? Has she been told the truth?

The boy is 17 as well. I believe dd has been told the truth, her friend circle are all concerned. I think she has a difficult home life, but apparently when she did say something to the guidance teacher about her parents hitting her, he called the parents. Though that does sound like an exaggeration. So I guess I can’t mention it to school. I don’t want to do nothing either, I am concerned she is setting herself up for a pattern of a lifetime.
thank you.

Women's aid has this website aimed at teenagers
loverespect.co.uk/

"Why don’t they teach this stuff at school ffs."

We do. It's part of the relationships curriculum and addressed even at primary school. We also do a lot of work around drinking responsibly and saying no to drugs but surely can't be held responsible for every bad decision a pupil makes.

I don't think you can do anything other than be supportive and available when it all goes wrong. She's with a boy who sleeps with other girls and borrowed £40 for cigarettes. He's awful and she deserves better but there's nothing anyone can do, and trying to will push them closer together, and run the risk of her withdrawing from the good friend she sees as interfering.

Why don’t they teach this stuff at school ffs

As explained by someone else, we do. However, we can't undo the impact of years of familial abuse nor be held responsible for every personal decision someone makes.

You do realise we're just people doing a job right? We don't hold any magical powers...

Sadly, this is the sort of thing parents are supposed to teach their children. But there was a thread on here the other day with a woman who was being coerced into staying in an abusive relationship by her own family. Personally, I've taught my daughter everything I think she needs to know but I still can't control her feelings or her choices.

Sadly, there isn't much you or your daughter can do other than to continue being a friend to this girl and being there for her when she finally has enough.

And a lot of people don't understand how abuse works, expecially and even, if they have experienced it themselves. Learning this stuff starts at home and, Sadly, not all (probably few) families are equipped to educate.

Unfortunately if she's blinded by him atm, no matter how much sense anyone tries to talk into her, it's unlikely she'll leave.
The best thing anyone can do is give her advice, give her support and wait for her to realise on her own that she's better off without him.

Thanks everyone. I’m really glad it’s taught at school, I apologise!
I’ve had a good read of the teenage website and it’s very useful about not pushing then together etc as you’ve mentioned justfive.
I’ve bought ‘living with the dominator ‘ too, so I can maybe go through it with dd, then maybe she can go through it with friend? Maybe not, I realise it’s a tip toe carefully situation.

I have just discovered my own relationship is a bit controlling. Gulp.