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Original poster

Online dating and feeling inferior

12 replies

Blushingm · 16/05/2022 22:06

I got chatting to someone lovely on Tinder. He's witty and intelligent and well educated .

We met for a date in a games cafe - meant to just be a couple of hours but it turned into 24 hours (cafe, drinks, sitting outside and then his flat)

We are still chatting, having lunch tomorrow and going out on Friday.

The thing is he's quite fit - he's a qualified sports coach, not a 6 pack or anything but nice. He's quite nice looking too.

Now me - I'm just not. I don't think I'm attractive at all. I'm carrying weight too. I can't shake the feeling that he's way out of my league - why would he bother with me?

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 16/05/2022 22:13

Have you no other qualities he might be attracted to? The state of your body is the entirety of you?

glebaisaword · 16/05/2022 22:15

Maybe you're lovely? Maybe just his type? Obvs I don't know what you look like, but you feel you're carrying weight - maybe he likes your particular shape/weight. Or maybe he doesn't even care about looks and enjoys your company? Only he knows but I say enjoy it for what it is.

BigFatLiar · 16/05/2022 22:20

Well he obviously is bothering with you, perhaps he likes you.

I thought I wasn't glamorous or sexy, was the ugly duckling at school. OH thinks I'm pretty he thought he was out of my league. He has his own self image issues (men do get them) but I thought he was a nice kind caring person who put me first. People are attracted to different things don't worry about conforming to other people's idea of attractive. Be yourself, he seems to find you attractive as you are. Relax and enjoy his company.

Original poster
Blushingm · 16/05/2022 22:56

Thank you - honestly!

I do enjoy his company, and think he enjoys mine. He does seem to enjoy being with me, he kisses me etc. I just feel so plain

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 17/05/2022 00:51

You have a distinctive 'something or other'.

You don't know what it is, but there it is. 'League' is not a thing: we are not rated according to an external scale.

There are many, many couples around, who happily have no idea whatsoever about what their partner sees in them. I'm in one. My partner says 'I love you!' at the most bizarre times, when I think I'm falling to bits, or when I'm at my most peculiar levels of weird...

If he's making you happy, that's your only concern. Be yourself, and watch him fall for you, exactly as you are.

Don't count yourself as being unusual. We all have something special about us. There's nothing unique about that. Sometimes though, it can be a bit of a skill (or an art?) to allow someone to over ride our own view of ourselves.

Original poster
Blushingm · 17/05/2022 18:40

Lunch was good - lots of kissing etc and he seemed pleased to see me. He was even double checking plans for Friday - but don't know why I still feel like princess Fiona from Shrek

OP posts:
Butterfly44 · 17/05/2022 19:00

Not all about looks! He obviously likes your company and finds you fun to be around - similar interests/outlook?? These are important Smile

Watchkeys · 17/05/2022 23:19

Do you not respect him enough that you'd allow him to form his own opinion of you, though? I've got no idea why my partner tells me 'I love you', sometimes, it seems to be in response to when I do things I think are quite ridiculous, in my eyes. But that's nice!

MrsJBongiovi · 17/05/2022 23:28

I so identify with the Fiona from Shrek analogy! X

arethereanyleftatall · 17/05/2022 23:32

I have found that a still photo or how you look in the mirror is only a small part of how you present. For me, it's voice, accent, how you carry yourself, and shoes (!) that are more important. I fancied the pants off a guy I met who wasn't good looking but his voice was lovely and he just stood tall. And then I've met guys who take a good photo but have sonething strange going on - this one guy closed his eyes for ages and ages when he spoke to me for example - really weird looking at someone's eyelids.

Sunnytwobridges · 18/05/2022 01:02

Trust me it’s not all about looks. When I started dating my very first boyfriend I was very overweight. And he was fit and sexy and good looking. But it didn’t matter to him.

TossCointoYerWitcher · 18/05/2022 01:07

Watchkeys · 17/05/2022 00:51

You have a distinctive 'something or other'.

You don't know what it is, but there it is. 'League' is not a thing: we are not rated according to an external scale.

There are many, many couples around, who happily have no idea whatsoever about what their partner sees in them. I'm in one. My partner says 'I love you!' at the most bizarre times, when I think I'm falling to bits, or when I'm at my most peculiar levels of weird...

If he's making you happy, that's your only concern. Be yourself, and watch him fall for you, exactly as you are.

Don't count yourself as being unusual. We all have something special about us. There's nothing unique about that. Sometimes though, it can be a bit of a skill (or an art?) to allow someone to over ride our own view of ourselves.

I’ve known people - of both genders - who will be completely aware that there’s something special but still won’t go out with that person because they either feel they should hold out for similar but with the aspirational physical qualities (otherwise they’d be settling) or otherwise feel they need someone on a similar bar to them or better, as they worry about being presentable/being judged. Such people are probably best avoided though 😉

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