Need your advice - large age gap

[HairyCactus10]

I've been on some dating sites like Tinder and Bumble and not previously had much luck. However I've met someone and we get on quite well.

I'm 30 and they are 20, do you think this is too large of an age gap?

It’s probably not going to last long, but have fun and make some memories 😉

There's nothing wrong with it but only you can really answer that as it depends on a lot of things..for example do you want children? You might be at that stage while a 20 year old is unlikely to be. Are they a mature or immature 20 year old? What do you both want from your lives at the minute? Down the line? You need to work these things out before letting it get serious anyway

Are you the man?

Hi there was a 17 years age gap between myself and my ex partner he was the older one we was together for nearly 18 years I left him due to his extreme DV on me but that was nothing to do with the age gap I would say go for it with your eyes wide open see how it goes and enjoy each other good luck

10 years is fine if you're 40/50 but at 20/30 I don't see it lasting long term because no one is what I'd consider grown up and know what they want from life till they reach mid 20's. Of course there are the odd exceptions to that.

Having said that have fun, enjoy it and see where it goes. You've nothing to lose.

For something casual or sex-based - sure. But I can’t imagine, at 30, what you would have in common with a 20-year-old, if it’s a relationship you’re after. They’ll have barely any life experience and you’re at completely different life stages. Financially it’s likely you’ll be carrying them. And when it comes to spending time with their friends, as couples who socialise together at least sometimes generally do, I can’t think I of anything worse than spending time with a bunch of kids barely out of their teens.

I met my other half when he was 21 and I was 30. I had no idea he was so young at the start. But I really fell for him and we are still together eleven years later. I never notice the age gap.

Sorry you experienced DV.
With DV being heavily linked to control and coercion, do you genuinely believe it wasn’t linked to you being 17 years younger? I would have thought your ex was well aware of the age gap and the control that gave him over you. Of course, I don’t know your individual situation of extreme DV, but it is worth highlighting that cases of coercion and control is linked to grooming young people; because the victims age and vulnerability means they can be manipulated (eg 15 year olds being groomed by 30+ year old men into human trafficking, as an example)

Sorry OP, for you- assuming you’re being safe, having fun, go for it. As pp said, perhaps be clear on your motives eg long term relationship vs fun, as you may have different or conflicting motives