Grumpy bad tempered DH

[YMK2]

I am tired of my grumpy, short tempered DH. To be clear, he’s never hit me or been physical with me, but totally overreacts to little things that bug him. Earlier I was in garden when I heard really loud banging, it was him trying to shut his office door with the window open and a cable snaking through it. He’s nearly severed the wifi cable in his bad temper! I asked why he was banging and he said he just couldn’t shut the F*ing door. He then gets straight on a work call and is all super pleasant and chatty!

The above is just one example. Even though his exasperation and temper is directed at objects and not me, I hate listening to it. He flies off the handle over such minor things. I’m fed up of it, everyone outside our household thinks he’s so lovely and good fun. He is great in many ways, but this pattern of behaviour is really grating on me.

I am quite a calm, quiet, happy-go-lucky person and it takes a heck of a lot for me to lose my shit.

These types of men are always far nicer or better behaved to and around outsiders. It's abusive behaviour towards you from him, no two ways about it. He does not have an anger management problem because he can control himself around others. He has a problem with anger, YOUR anger, when you rightly call him out on his behaviours.

These types do not have to hit you to hurt you and words can also hurt. Emotional and verbal abuses are real and abuse does not only have to be physical in nature for it to be called that.

He could well go onto hit you if he decided that his usual ways of exerting power and control over you (like he is doing now) is deemed y him to not be enough. He taking it out on objects too (probably things that are important to you or family unit rather than "his" own stuff) is a further example of domestic violence.

How can you be helped here into leaving your abuser?. That is the best option for you going forward because he will not change and this is who he really is.

You will certainly not remain a calm, quiet and happy go lucky person here if you remain with him for whatever reasons. He will turn you into a nervous wreck afraid of her own shadow. These types of men also like "strong" women because they see them as an additional challenge to bring down.

Abusers too can appear to be quite plausible to those in the outside world.

My Ex was like this - desperately wanted to be liked by the outside world & could keep his temper at bay in front of other but home was a different matter. Constantly be grumpy/complaining about absolutely nothing, overreacted to the smallest of things. Literally nothing at all to get uptight about & he’d be all red faced & grumpy! I just never, ever got why!

it’s hard when one is of a sunny disposition & the other isn’t! I feel your pain!

We’ve been together nearly 20 years and it only seems to have been over the last 12 years he’s been like this. Seems to be getting grumpier with age. He does it mostly when I’m nowhere near him, when he’s got annoyed with something, so I don’t see it as abusive towards me.

You made a really good point about him being able to control it and switch it off when it comes to other people. His overreactive outbursts over things are really short, and then he goes back to normal.

I do regularly call him out on it, but it’s always “well people shouldn’t leave stuff out,” or “I just need things to work.”

He sounds like he is becoming more entitled as he ages and thinks that nothing should inconvenience him in the slightest.

I would ignore him.
Move rooms, leave the house let him huff and puff into the ethos.

Yep! Sounds about right! It’s so annoying though, last few weeks I just feel more fed up with it than usual. 🙄