Controlling or is the problem with me?

[Trevone]

When I married my second wife four years ago I used to dress in hoodies etc, I’ve got to the point now where I don’t want to wear branded stuff anymore and am happily wearing Collered shirts and jeans, shoes not trainers etc - just more traditional.
My wife hates my new style and tells me this every day, on top of this I’ve just got some prescription glasses and she told me that I look ridiculous and I should of consulted her before choosing them. The problem in all this is that I’m genuinely happy with how I look, but she makes me feel terrible, she is saying that I don’t listen to her etc and is giving me the cold shoulder.
I’m also regularly criticised for eating too loudly (never had an issue here ever).
Is this controlling behaviour? Am I in the wrong?
I was controlled in my first marriage of 18 years, no access to money etc and she is saying because I was controlled before I’m not caring about her opinions on my tastes now……I’ve been so happy until recently but now I feel just awful.
Going out today and straight away it was ‘take those glasses off, I’m not going out with you looking like that’.
Don’t know if it’s me in the wrong for changing how I dress, I’m a traditional guy anyway, but I can’t just fit in to someone’s ideal, even if I love her.

Yes, it's controlling. It's up to you what you wear and when you wear it, and under no circumstances should you have to consult her on what type of glasses you get - sure, ask her opinion, but it's not her call as to which ones you eventually choose.

She sounds difficult to live with and cruel in her remarks. I know how horrible it is when you feel like you can't wear or dress the way you want to because someone is making jibes, or judging you.

She sounds very rude. It's OK to tell someone your opinion politely, once, but to keep on at you every day is horrible. I'm sorry to hear this and it sounds like she is treating you badly. I expect you've told her, but just checking - does she realise you like to dress in a traditional way? She doesn't get to decide what you wear. Have you had a frank chat with her about the way the relationship is going and whether you both want to stay in it? Because treating you like this, it sounds like either she's very rude and clueless about how to treat people, OR she doesn't really want to be in the relationship.

How rude of her. She wouldn't appreciate it the other way around. Its her opinion and its not a nice one. So don't listen. I'd be leaving her. That's so unkind.

It's completely controlling. As long as you are clean and wearing clean clothes, no partner gets a say in what you wear.

The loud eating thing is a real 'thing' for some people, but the rest of it - nah. I don't mean to be nasty from the other side of a keyboard, but it sounds like she's a real bully who doesn't actually like you very much.

Your former wife was controlling and your now wife is the same. Its not an uncommon scenario either to go from one abusive relationship into another one. Controlling behaviour like she shows you is abusive behaviour and your only good option going forward is to leave.

Do contact ManKind here; they can and will help. the link is attached
www.mankind.org.uk/

Your boundaries here, already skewed by previous abuse, are being further done in by this woman now. Please find it within yourself to leave her.

Am I in the wrong

According to whose rules? Who makes the rules about how you conduct yourself? Who is in charge of you?

I think jeans and leather shoes is a pretty dated look however no she shouldn’t be controlling what you wear. As long as the clothes are clean and in good repair it’s fine.

As long as the clothes are clean and in good repair it’s fine

The clothes could be holey and dirty and it still would be fine for OP to wear them, if he wanted to.

She sounds really rude and unkind.

I think you have moved from one controlling woman to another.

I think you need to be having a good think if this is really what you want.

I think of they were holey and dirty his wife would have a point actually.

@Mmmmdanone

Yes, she'd have a point about her preferences, not about what OP ought to do. In a relationship, you let your partner know what's not acceptable to you, and that's it. Whether she's got a point or not isn't for anybody to say.

It sounds like she isn’t in love with you anymore? I know when I got to that point in my marriage I hated everything dh did, I could no longer tolerate him eating loudly or breathing loudly. I would never have told him what to wear or what glasses to choose though. Is she much younger than you? Sounds like she doesn’t like you dressing like a older person? It sounds like she can’t except that your style has changed.

She sounds controlling, very unpleasant and tbh it sounds as if she does not love or respect you. You don't have to accethis treatment or stay in a relationship with someone who acts that way.

Just to clarify that my clothes are always pressed and clean, shoes polished….I just like the Italian style.
Thank you for your comments and advice one and all x

I’m just going to jump in here and say that my DH bought some glasses, and I don’t like his either. They were very expensive, and I think he bought them because they are a designer brand, but they’re awful.
If I were buying glasses I’d be asking a member of my family for an opinion.

My dh normally buys awful glasses. This time round I asked him if he would take some advice from the optician on what suited him.
He did and his glasses are much nicer than last time.