Not married, baby’s surname

[Jusetj]

Why is it important to have your own surname? I think I’ve probably missed something huge here but I’ve read loads that you shouldn’t give the other surname, I’m just not sure why?

[dementedpixie]

Do you live together?
Will you get married?
If you split up you then have a different surname to your child and then its harder to change without his permission

[KangarooKenny]

Because if split up you’ve got a child with a different name. And some people have had trouble at passport control with different names.
‘If you decide to get married in the future you can decide to change the name.
Ultimately, having mum’s name keeps mum in control.

[Traumdeuter]

There have been a lot of threads on this.

if you split up in the future, especially if you have done the bulk of the childcare and child rearing, you may find yourself with a child who shares a surname with a man who gives no practical support to the child. In this situation it is easier for them to share a surname with their mother.

If the father is involved properly in shared parenting, and is generally not a twat, then it’s less of an issue tbh.

[Whispers1988]

Biggest regret ever.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

Why would you give your child someone else’s surname?

[Shelby2010]

If you give the child your surname and then get married, the child can be re-registered and the joint surname given.

If you give the child his surname & split up then you will have to explain at every doctors appointment etc that you are not Mrs Ex-surname. If Ex is a deadbeat dad, it will also be annoying that your child has to keep his name until at least 16.

Finally, if you’re not married the name is legally your choice. You can register the child on your own - your partner cannot.

Hopefully you are in happy, stable relationship where splitting up is the furthest thing from you mind - in which case either double barrel or use his surname as an extra middle name.

[KirstenBlest]

If you give the child his surname & split up then you will have to explain at every doctors appointment etc that you are not Mrs Ex-surname. If Ex is a deadbeat dad, it will also be annoying that your child has to keep his name until at least 16.
This

if you travel with a child and you have different surnames, it can cause problems

If you split up from the father and a child with someone else, you might all have different surnames

If you stay with your DC's father and they have his surname, you'll be the odd one out

[Spitescreen]

@AnneLovesGilbert

Why would you give your child someone else’s surname?

Exactly.

[JudgeRindersMinder]

The ancient S it’s had the right idea, a child takes its clan from its mother, because you always know who your mother is, but not necessarily the father.

I’m not saying people don’t know who their child’s father is, but whatever happens a child is more likely to be with its mother than it’s father, take the romantic notions of “together forever” out of it and be pragmatic

[JudgeRindersMinder]

And that should have been ancient Scots…

[coffy11]

Because the baby is yours. It's just a stupid sexist tradition to give the baby the fathers name.

[Lazypuppy]

Because if you don't end up getting married, or break up would you be hqppy to never share a surname with your child? Potentially being questioned when going on holiday about who you are in relation to the child.

You are the one whose life and body changes, why would you not give baby your surname? Then if/when married and you want to change your name you van then change baby's name.

Historically babies have always haf the mothers surname

[AnneLovesGilbert]

@coffy11

Because the baby is yours. It's just a stupid sexist tradition to give the baby the fathers name.

Tradition says a child takes its mother’s name. If the parents are married and the woman took the man’s name that’s a separate thing.

[Beamur]

@coffy11

Because the baby is yours. It's just a stupid sexist tradition to give the baby the fathers name.

This.
The only reason I gave my DD her father's surname and not mine was because she has (half) siblings and I thought they would feel more like a family if they had the same surname. We're married now too and I am gradually using my married name, but it feels like I'm copping out to patriarchal values!

[CorpseReviver]

Babies traditionally take their mother's surname. It's your baby, your pregnancy, your name.

[Rainbowqueeen]

Because it’s easy to change baby’s surname to be the same as the dads at a later stage but near impossible to change it back to the mums.
If you travel abroad with different surnames you can have problems and often need to take legal proof that you are the mum eg birth certificate. So something else to remember
And if you would like to get married down the track, to be frank, the idea that baby’s name will change to be the same as dads on marriage can be useful ammunition as men tend to be keener on baby having their name than almost any other aspect of baby rearing.
And yes it is traditional that baby has mums name. It’s only if mum and dad are married that this changes

[HiKelsey]

Worst mistake I made was giving DD his surname and me actually taking it when we got married. I've went back to my maiden name and I can't change DDs as she has a court order in her name so can't be known by anything else

[MsTSwift]

Always cracks me up when these dimwit men say they want the baby to have their name “for tradition” but havent even got married! So only traditional when it suits you then mate …

[Twizbe]

Traditionally baby takes the mothers surname. If that is the same as the fathers fab :)

At most I'd double barrel but I'd not give baby their fathers surname.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

@MsTSwift

Always cracks me up when these dimwit men say they want the baby to have their name “for tradition” but havent even got married! So only traditional when it suits you then mate …

You’re right. But plenty of women on here choose to give their DC their boyfriend’s last name while waiting for a down on one knee proposal cos tradition.

[ImAvingOops]

I gave ds1 my name because I was the one growing a human from scratch and going through childbirth. Why would I let someone else claim him when I'd done all the work? Why is my name less worthy of preservation?
It would also have pissed me off no end to have to get dp 'permission' to travel with my own child!
I was also aware that not all relationships go the distance and it was important to me to have the same name as my child.

Now as it happened, things worked out, do and I got married, and we changed DS name with no issues (although part of me kind of regrets changing it, especially as I've grown older and thought about the patriarchy a bit more than I did as a youngster). It's sensible as a woman to give yourself options and load the dice in your favour where you can.

[LeftieLucy]

I think it’s a territorial type thing that men want the child to have their surname nowadays.

that said, my dc have my husbands name, but only because mine is Bacon and his is Valentine. I got bullied relentlessly for mine so I wanted them to have the nicer name. If I wasn’t known professionally by mine I’d have changed it when we married.

[LeftieLucy]

More annoying is the fact that on their birth certificates the father is named first. Don’t know if it’s just a Wales thing but I was pretty pissed off at the registrars about that.

[OnceAgainWithFeeling]

Women really need to just keep their names and pass them on to their children. All this docking about (literally) isn’t doing the females of the species any good whatsoever.

(married 20+ years, never changed my name, DD has my Surname and her dad’s as a middle name. No issues with passport control for either of us, DH is the contact for school etc and she has a clear link to both families, not just his. DH’s dick still yet to fall off.)

[OnceAgainWithFeeling]

*dicking about. (Bloody autocorrect.)