My friend's dh is a real wanker and I find it hard to deal with.

[Barnabee]

He's financially abusive, she has to hand her savings to him on demand. He's abusive as in shouting/swearing and throwing things (that smash). I won't mention what goes on in the bedroom. The bit that I'm finding hard is that I've supported my friend for a long time now (years) and I just feel sick of it all. When we're together it's like I'm talking to a zombie. I've kept the friendship going because we have hobbies in common and I wanted to offer her a shoulder, hoping that in time she'd feel strong enough to leave. She won't leave though because she believes she couldn't support herself financially and she says she's showing the dc that you work on your issues & not walk away. The irony of it is, she's a couples counsellor for Relate. I'm tired now of the only topics we share when we meet are his topics. The same stuff gets rolled-out again and again. I wouldn't stand this shite in my own life. How can I refresh myself to handle this better?

It's hard isn't it. I've had to lean on friends the last year due to an abusive relationship. But I am now out of it. They listen to me now as I go over stuff and realise stuff. I also talk about other stuff though like the kids and day to day life. I don't drone constantly about it. I feel better around others as feeling alone is rough.

It's a tough one as your friend probably is trauma bonded and trapped. Especially in her head. I appreciate you saying you'd never have it. But I also thought I'd never have it and I did. Because they play games with your head and it bluddy works unfortunately. Give your friend the truth but be kind.

Message her and say Sarah I'm always here for you about Mark. But I really feel frustrated that all this bad stuff is happening and you are repeating this cycle. You can do whatever you wish but I've said all I can now at this stage, if you choose to continue with him I'd suggest mentioning it to another friend as I feel so frustrated that he treats you so cruel and you stay.

I found the book 'Helping Her Get Free' by Susan Brewster immensely helpful when I was in a similar situation to OP. It was originally called 'How to be an Anchor' or something like that which I think is a good description of what it is to try and support someone being abused. Full of practical advice and suggestions on looking after yourself in the situation too.