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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I leave or should I stay

3 replies

Wearethechampionsmyfriend · 15/05/2022 19:13

Been married 30 years and the children have gone. My OH is a nice bloke but finds fault with most people and situations. He'll argue if he feels he's in the right and when I try to explain how it's coming across he just tries to justify it, taking no notice of me. He talks sooooo much, taking over every conversation, with whoever he is talking to, and doesn't get the signals - glazed eyes, total disinterest etc, its just embarrassing. I try to get him to reign it in but he just doesn't get it. He has no friends, has had lots in the past but they just don't call him anymore. I hate being in company with him as he turns every subject into a silly joke or has a story of his own, but the person may have been upset or worried so what he's saying is inappropriate. He also really swears if he feels he's in the right and someone doesn't agree. He has let me down so much in the past, always putting his friends before his family, it's quite funny that they've now all deserted him. I sound like a shrinking violet beside him but I'm not, I'm just exhausted with him. I just want some peace and quiet and a less stressful life. Should I leave or try harder, does he deserve to be on his own because he won't listen to reason. I'm tired of thinking every other month I want to go, but then for a week or two I'm quite happy but then he starts again and I think I actually hate him. I think this is married life but then feel I only have one life, but would it really be any better on my own, sitting there on my own in my peace and quiet or starting out again. Sometimes I wish he would just leave or die so the decision for me to go and start again is taken away from me, sounds so harsh but it's how he makes me feel. At times I feel sorry for him and sad that things go wrong for him but then realise the situations are of his own making as he thinks he knows best, but when I realise I'm feeling sorry for him I then hate him for not being the man I want.

OP posts:
Hiddenvoice · 16/05/2022 23:12

Im sorry but reading your post it seems like you’ve made up your mind. If you’re not happy then you need to do something about it. I’m guessing you’ve spoken to him about how you feel?
Why not try a break awah from each other for a few days/ a week. Could you go visit a friend or go on a short break with one of your children or a friend? During that time you could both go no contact with each other and then it will help you see if you miss him or if you want more time apart.

Watchkeys · 17/05/2022 00:28

I think this is married life but then feel I only have one life, but would it really be any better on my own, sitting there on my own in my peace and quiet or starting out again. Sometimes I wish he would just leave or die so the decision for me to go and start again is taken away from me

Take responsibility for yourself. Do you really need him to be killed, rather than telling him it's over? How would you feel if it was the other way around? Maybe it is? Maybe he wishes you'd just die to save him the effort of leaving you?

You're not harsh, you're lazy, and you're not taking responsibility for yourself and your feelings.

Sisiwawa · 17/05/2022 00:38

I'm feeling in a similar situation so can relate! But still, it's sad to read. How long have you felt like this? If it's years then that's too long.
Does he bring anything to your life?
Could you financially afford to go it alone?
A break, or trial seperation may tell you what you need one way or the other.

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