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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is there something wrong with me?

2 replies

Hopelessgirl2022 · 15/05/2022 19:12

I'm a single mum. Have put my career before love over the last few years. I keep dating apps active. And occasionally test the water. But in dating apps I get bored or lose interest very quickly.
And in the real world I only seem to attract men who are unavailable or don't want to commit. Or in the case of the ex, incapable of being faithful.
My history is I had an affair, and have spent every day since wishing that this guy was here.
I blame this on my acceptance of attention from men, when I know that I should just ignore it. But I don't know how.
It seems every man who pays attention really does fall in to the above categories. And I don't know how to stop myself from craving the attention (because let's face it, some attention is better than none when you have such low self esteem). And I have no idea what it is about me that ultimately can't move on from my past.
I feel so lonely at the moment. And i know this contributes towards wanting communication/attention from anyone, despite knowing they aren't a long term prospect.

I don't need judgement for my life choices. I've spent a very long time trying to get myself in a good place. But is there something wrong with me? And if there is, how do I fix it?

OP posts:
SophSoSo · 15/05/2022 19:21

The only thing wrong with you sounds like your low self esteem, which means you seek validation from men to feel better. Been there.

Can you afford therapy to work through this? If not there are lots of books and videos on YouTube that can help but honestly, you need to learn to value yourself.

Its the quickest way to stop accepting crumbs from men that don’t deserve you

AttilaTheMeerkat · 15/05/2022 19:35

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?. Was your relationship with your dad problematic in that he was emotionally unavailable?.

What are the roots of your low self esteem, that likely started in your own childhood.

Love your own self for a change rather than seeking validation from emotionally unavailable men.

Therapy is a way forward here, find a BACP registered therapist to work with.

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