Fiancé cheated

[WatchaknowJoe]

We have been together for 4 years and she is pregnant with our second child. I’ve always suspected she hasn’t been totally honest about a guy she was involved with before we met, I eventually caved and snooped (not proud). She had been sexting him throughout lockdown and had been doing a lot more pre lockdown essentially since we got together (a good 2 years). I’m devastated and furious at the same time. I know that if I confront her it will likely be the end of our relationship, if it was just us I would already have done it. However as we already have a little girl and with another on the way it isn’t quite as straight forward as that, and I’m scared that I’ll not see my children out of this. I’m at a total loss at what to do, and it is playing on my mind almost 24/7 - she has noticed my mood swings which is making it worse.

I'd actually recommend not letting your fiancé know you know until after the baby is born and you can do paternity DNA test on both children, if you have the mental strength to endure that. This way the 2nd child will have your name on the birth certificate and you'll have PR. It's far easier to rescind PR/have your name removed as the father if the child isn't yours, than it is to fight for PR. Because if you split up with your partner before registering the child's birth with you as the father, she most likely won't allow your name on the birth certificate regardless, out of spite.

You can get mail order DNA testing kits off the internet. It's cheaper to get a 'non legal' standard one first, so you know for yourself. And then you can always do a legal one later if it becomes necessary to prove it either way in court.

As I said, I've been there myself, and I know how hard it is to keep it to yourself for months (or years), but knowing paternity for definite before everything kicks off gives you the upper hand.