Bit moody and miserable, starting to affect me

[Jusetj]

Been with partner 2 years and 5 months pregnant. I feel like I’m not sure he’s the man I want to be with. I fell really in love with him and then shortly before I got pregnant I was questioning our future mainly because he can be quite a miserable person… very very serious, not often playful and if I suggest a concert, night with friends or family, he’s quite resistant, doesn’t seem interested etc. The same with his family really, we don’t spend much time with them. When I found out I was pregnant, at 34, I was obviously happy. Partner has been supportive and looked after me etc but if anything the last few months have highlighted that I am going to struggle so much with this approach to life. I’m going to want to be around my family more, not less, and fundamentally I am not sure I can cope with the cloud above his head so often. It’s not depression (discussed at length with him) it’s literally just his demeanour. Not even sure he’s actually down or miserable, he’s just so serious all the time. It’s upsetting me as I think of it all. Not sure why I’m posting really. I’ve never really fell in love the way I did with him and these frustrations have built slowly over time. I always thought I loved who he was so much that I could handle the underlying misery he seems to omit. He can be funny and have a laugh and he’s kind…he’s just gone out to get me chocolate for instance! But… I’m just feeling a bit sad that when I am bouncy and happy he’s often uninterested and won’t plan things together. I said before I met him that I wouldn’t want t date again and a child was my priority and I do still feel that way. I don’t have a burning desire for a new relationship but now just worried that this attitude may take its toll. I’ve tried talking to him and he has moments where he seems to see what effect he has but then nothing really changes. Not sure what I’m asking really.

I’d say split now before baby arrives. You were already having doubts before you got pregnant, so it’s not just pregnancy hormones.

I would start the process of separation and give this child your surname as well rather than his going forward. You've got serious doubts about him now and those won't go away.

I just don’t know if that would be for the best. He’s not a bad person and I would obviously not ideally want to be alone with a new baby. But equally I am getting irritated with his attitude and it does bring me down.

No-one is suggesting he is a bad person but his attitude towards you (he probably behaves far better around other people) is getting you down. That is not going to improve any and particularly when baby comes along.

So, you’re not married, so you have no claim on his pension or for maintenance.
Presumably you’re about to go on maty leave, so you’re going to miss out on some pay and pension. Are you planning on going back to work ?
In a year or so’s time I can see you back on here, splitting up, with a baby whose got his surname that you regret, with little or no work, and little money, no where to live.
‘We’ve read it before, and we’ll read it again. Don’t be one of them, think about what you want, how you want you and your baby to live.

There’s nothing wrong with him or you, it just sounds that the two of you are incompatible. It’s how he is and it is unfair to ask him to change, so maybe you should move on.
My work partner was very dour. He was happy in himself but had a cloud over him all the time. I worked very closely with him for two years and it transferred to me and I felt drained. I had to ask for a mix up with the team members and was paired up with others from then on. It not only made me a happy person again but gave me the space to enjoy my previous partners company when we were paired up on the odd occasion.
It will bring you down massively if you stay. It’s only been two years and this should be the happiest time.