Karma ?

[Pheonixgirl]

Four months ago l left an abusive relationship, after years of his drinking and abuse something snapped and I upped and left, because of the way I'd been treated for so many years I harboured a lot of ill will and wished him no end of bad things instead of just forgiving and moving on.

I thought that by leaving my life could only improve but it seems that ever since I left I've encountered one difficulty after another, I sometimes find myself thinking I might have been better off staying with my ex and tolerating the lesser of two evils, today my sister and I argued for no particular reason and probably because I was at a low ebb I've taken it quite badly.

I know how much he hated me for what I did and I can't help thinking he's wished all this unhappiness on me as a punishment, a sort of Karma really.

I feel as bad now as I did when my parents died and when I go to bed at night I find myself thinking it'd be better off for all concerned if I just passed in my sleep as I just feel a burden to everyone.

@Agadoodoododont
Yes I loved my job too and I know I'll find another but at my age I doubt I'll find one as secure but I've accepted that, I've moved from the north west down to the south east and I don't know anyone down here and I've never been the sort to make friends easily as I'm a quiet person and a bit shy but I'm determined to make the effort.

I think it's often quite normal for people who have been in an abusive relationship to embrace their inner selfishness once they are free. I don't think of it as selfish though, it's just you being able to have your own autonomy and doing what you need to do to get by then flourish