Should you/your partner apologize for upsetting your "other half", even if you think it was nothing to be upset about in the first place?

[emkana]

Should you apologize for upsetting your partner, just for having hurt them, even though you feel they shouldn't have felt hurt?

Yes.

I would, and would appreciate it from dh.

Kind of depends, I tend to think. But if I were a nicer person I would say yes.

yes

You don't have to say that you think they were right, or even that you see their pov, but nobody has the right to say you aren't entitled to the way you feel about something, or that your feelings don't matter because they don't see the bloody logic in them!

One person cannot decide whether or not another person should be hurt.

I tend to do it grudgingly and making it clear I am apologising for the fact it was interpreted as hurtful not for actually saying it IYKWIM

yes

Who are we to say whether or not someone should feel hurt?

If I did hurt him yes, I would sorry, as would he.

It depends. Dh would apologise but would do a Motherinferior on me and make sure I knew he wasn't apologising for him hurting me but for me being upset which he would have felt was MY fault iyswim. Actually, I'm rarely upset by him so I shouldn't really diss him.

The very least you should say is "I am sorry that you feel hurt." Because their feelings are valid, important and REAL!!

-sorry, my dh is a bugger for this and it is a pita! If he doesn't see the logic in the way you feel, he dismisses the way you feel, or tells you to change the way you feel.

I feel very very strongly about the right of everyone to their feelings and to have the fact that they have their feelings (iyswim) totally respected - as a seperate thing from right/wrong!!

and I think if your apology isn't heartfelt, it's not worth doing because you can always see through a non heartfelt apology (between partners) and it tends to cause more resentment I reckon

Absolutely you should.
If they are upset, whatever the reason, if soemthing you have said or done is you should apologise.
Remember, you are apologising for making them feel upset, not necessarily for what happened to make them upset.

We are more for snarling really.

That should say "by something you have said or done ..."

yes

and don't do it again

Emkana, are you around or are you hiding?

Yes, domestic happiness is so precious, and I want to be treated softly at home, and so does DH

DH does always, I am more stubborn and am the 'grudgingly apologise but make it clear I am still right' type

Sorry I went out then but am back now.

I see there's a consensus here...

So at what point are you going to tell us whether you were the one who got hurt, or the one who did the hurting and wouldn't apologise?!!

I'm the one who got hurt and I needed to convince dh that no, it's not up to him to decide what deserves getting upset about and what doesn't.

I'm not sure and this is a really hard one for me.

This has to be the main sticking point between DP and I.

For example, in the middle of the night night when half asleep and feeding DS again I apparently said something to DP with offended him, it may have been the tone or the words but he was offended and in the morning wanted me to apoligise. But there was no intention on my part to hurt his feelings, I really didn't remember doing it and felt sure that he should look at the big picture and realise that I was half asleep and probably didn't mean to snap at him. I felt in short that he was being slightly precious and so didn't apoligise.

But I also know that this may just be me that feels this way

And did you show him this thread emkana? What did he say?

and sherby - yup. Looks like it's just you! You ought to say that you feel sorry for him that he felt upset!!!! He deserves his feelings acknowledged, even if you don't understand/agree! Meanie.