Is this a red flag, or am I just a bit jaded?

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Been with my partner for 6 years, engaged for 2, getting married this summer. It’s the happiest I’ve been with someone and I love him and our life dearly and can’t wait to marry him, but in the same breath I definitely don’t have this confident feeling that it’s forever. I had my hen party last week and there were jokes about same penis forever, and comments about you only get married once. In my head that’s rare these days. My parents divorced, mum remarried and divorced again, my dad remarried and stayed married. My sister got divorced and is engaged again. Most of ky friends parents are divorced. I mean I don’t aspire to it, but can’t help but understand that we often aren’t the same person in our fourties as we are in our twenties and I’m all for happiness. If the way to happiness is different partners at different phases in your life I’m not against it. If things stay as good as they are of course I can see my partner and me going the distance, but I don’t feel 100% sure it won’t end in divorce one day and that we could both have new partners one day because that’s just sort of life.

I feel a bit weird as most people getting married don’t seem to think well I’m happy now but of course we might get divorced. Is this a bit of a red flag? Or is it just that I’m a bit jaded by seeing so much divorce?

This isn't normal at all. I would say everyone I know (even if divorced) would say when they married they envisioned it being forever.

I think your families failed marriages are clouding your vision. You say that this is the happiest you have been and you love him and can’t wait to marry him.

not all marriages end in divorce.

Why would you get married if you think you’ll probably get divorced one day? I mean, there’s nothing wrong with understanding that we might not be happy with the same person for the whole of our lives, I think it’s quite a mature and realistic insight, I just wonder why do you feel you need to get married if you accept that’s probably the case? You don’t have to marry somebody just because you’ve been in a relationship with them for a long time, especially if you aren’t convinced it’s going to last long-term. Have you any idea how expensive and stressful divorce is?

How old are you OP?

We live together and have young dc isn’t that when people say that you should always get married as it protects you if it does go wrong? I don’t know why I always saw myself getting married and would like it to last but I’m just not 100% confident it would never happen because that just seems rare these days. Interesting. Perhaps I’m being foolish.

Maybe you will, maybe you won't get divorced but if the relationship is sound, and you really feel this is the person for you, give it a try. Better to try and see how it goes than wonder 'what if'.

I know many divorced people ( I myself am divorced and remarried) and every one of us says that when we got married we intended it to be forever.
The fact that the marriages broke up was not what we wanted when we made our vows.

Unfortunately being married doesn't guarantee that the relationship will be permanent. Nothing can guarantee that.

Fifty fifty chance it'll end in divorce. Do you need to get married? Eg, are you planning on being a stay at home mum?

Personally I'd just look at the practical benefits and weight them up.

It doesn't sound like you're much of a romantic in this case so why bother spending all that cash on wedding stuff. You could both have a cruise instead.

Of course divorce happens, but I don't think it's usual to be half expecting it when you get married. By definition marriage is commiting yourself to someone for life. So on the day you make those commitments you fully believe it to be the case or you wouldn't make the promise.

Yes circumstances can change during your marriage, things come out of left field, and you can end up divorced. But if you are anticipating something changing before you even get married, then it could be that there is already something causing you doubts.

Are you telling yourself it doesn't have to be for life because you aren't sure you want it to be? Does it take the pressure off getting married if you're already given yourself permission to leave it?

I think it's fine to acknowledge that marriage isn't always for life - that's just a fact. Maybe you're just having some pre-marriage nerves?

All that said, I agree it makes sense to get married for practical reasons as you have small children (presuming having children has or might affect you financially).

Actually op I agree with you. I got married fully intending to stay in the marriage as long as we are both committed and happy. So far we have, but that doesn’t mean it will last forever. My parents divorced, having promised me they never would and I was devastated. I tell dc if she and I were to separate, we would always love them and they would come first. I would not stay in a marriage that I was miserable in, just because I was married.

"same penis forever" is a very twisted way of looking at the person you love.

I think you are being realistic.

I love my husband and I trust him, we are married. But obviously I'm not a fool, people can change, things happen and lots of marriages end.

You'd sound a bit naive if you were here posting saying I'm getting married and I know it'll last forever. We'd all be saying oh get real!

Agree you could also look at it as no more strange crusty knobs just the one I know and love

Yes. Or even, who cares what's in his pants, this is an awesome human being whose company I will always cherish!

I don’t think your view is particularly odd or unusual OP. Before I married I reassured myself with similar thoughts!

still happily married over 10 years later with no plans to separate!

Its the kind of thought you can’t voice because it isn’t socially acceptable but you’d be mad not to think it. I’m always planning the what ifs in my life and imagining how different circumstances might play out. This is just a part of that.

it’s a very romantic notion (but not particularly realistic) that human beings don’t doubt.

What did your parents and sisters divorces teach you about marriages? Have they shared why they divorced?

Ime, marriages end for 3 main reasons, affairs, abuse & addictions. I think boredom/mid life crisis can also be a reason but generally that's when a couple got together at a young age and haven't grown in the same way.

Marriage vows recognise that staying together over a long period of time is challenging. If you both believe that there are up & downs in a long relationship then you can stay married.