Scared of rejecting men?

[eyebrowladyyyy]

I'm a major people pleaser and even telling men I have a boyfriend makes me super anxious if they try to flirt with me. I always worry they'll retaliate or take the rejection to heart and maybe become angry or whatever it might be.

My first bf at 15 was nuts and he was older, he would lose it anytime I tried to end things and essentially message everyone who knew me spreading lies.

I have an irrational fear of maybe telling a guy on facebook or instagram that I have a boyfriend or I'm not interested and them messaging my friends or something weird.. I don't know.

Any tips to toughen up?

I'd recommend working with a psychotherapist. It's not about toughening up, it sounds like you've had some traumatic events which have formed into the behaviours you mentioned. Trust me, you will discover some amazing insights and why you are the way you are.

Baby steps while you work through the trauma. You're not telling a man you have a boyfriend, you're just mentioning him. "Oh BF loves that band". Gush about your BF if you have to. Even made up stuff.

Also, you don't actually have to answer any messages on FB. You don't have to friend any men at all.

Good boundaries take time and work.